Leave Now

    In the midst of their battling RoboRabbit and Platypus had failed to notice that everyone had left to go to bed, not were they aware that everyone came trickling back in about nine hours later.  The first to trickle in opened the faucet all the way so that the remainder would be able to pour in.  Megano, when she came in, had a letter.  It was the lapine letter ek.  She also had an envelope which she proceeded to wave in the air.
    "HekeHokkus, you got a letter!" she yelled at a supernatural volume.  This statement triggered RoboRabbit's involuntary reaction software and, as he looked away, Platypus took him down almost instantaneously.
    "Leave now," said Platypus, "and never come back!  Leave now, and never come back!  Leave now, and never come back!  Leave now, and never come back!  Leave now, and never come back!  Leave now, and never come back!"
    As he said this everyone slowly began walking backwards toward the door, before they eventually all turned and walked in such a way that the second derivative of their position function was positive.
    "What was that for?"  said RoboRabbit as they left earshot.  "You just prevented the universe from being saved!"
    "Not necessarily," said Diomedes.
    "Yes, necessarily!" exclaimed Killer Kangaroo.  "We can't get to the top of the stair due to that bet, and the universe's salvation depends entirely on someone getting too the top of the stair."
    "Perhaps you should be more observant," replied Diomedes calmly.  "For instance, the order in which we left the Room of the Stair was as follows:  Killer Kangaroo, Teddy, me, Hilarious Hyena, Bloopanda, Megano, Jhoqi, and then RoboRabbit.  The stair was still existent until the instant the instant Bloopanda was completely out of the room, which means he is either the One or the Two."
    "But it is true that I ruined the universe's chances of being saved," chimed in Megano.
    "That's not true," said RoboRabbit.  "It was a pretty stupid idea to include involuntary reactions in my software, which makes it equally my fault for doing so.  In any case, the past is now irrelevant and your intentions were pure.  Speaking of which, can I see that letter?"
    She handed it to Jhoqi, who footed it to Bloopanda, who elbowed it to Diomedes, who thighed it to RoboRabbit, who then proceeded to read it.  As he was reading, a moment which much of the group perceived as awkward ensued.  Killer Kangaroo began to whistle a tune while Hilarious Hyena took out her pet cricket, which reminds me of something.  Did I ever tell you about pet crickets?  Y/N




    You see, per crickets are generally intended to perform their natural function, which is making silence less silent.  But, by its very nature, when silence becomes less silent it is no longer silence.  Any amount of noise whill break the silence like a finger bent the wrong way.  Thus, when a cricket's fabrication of noise removes the presence of silence, its services are no longer required, so it discontinued its noise.  This action once again creates silence, thus starting the cycle once more.  Therefore, a true cricket will create pulses of noise throughout a silence until another source of sound appears to relieve it of this job.  In other words, a cricket making noise will continue making noise, and a cricket making no noise will continue making no noise, unless acted upon by an outside force.  This principle is known as the Law of Crickets, and is completely relevant to this situation because it involves a cricket.
    RoboRabbit suddenly jerked up and said, "I have been asked to join the planet Quexxiji, a world of discipline and practice, as have Killer Kangaroo and Megano.  It appears that there will be free food, so I'me going."
    "Me too," said Killer Kangaroo.  "I have some skills that could use honing."
    "As have I," said Megano.
    "It's settled then," stated RoboRabbit.  "We three will join Quexxiji alone while the rest of you do whatever."
    "We will still travel with you on your journey there," said Bloopanda.
    "Alright," said RoboRabbit.  "But once we get there you'll have to go figure out something else to do."
    "One more problem," said Diomedes.  "Quexxiji is located outside of our galaxy."

The Fight of the Stair

    You may not yet know this, but RoboRabbit was known throughout the universe as the master of the game called Fufgo, a competition of speed, agility, and reflexes.  The only known person who could match RoboRabbit's skill in Fufgo hadn't challenged him in thousands of years.  And now, here he was.  No one had noticed the stairs that had appeared in the middle of the room, nor the dude standing in front of them, until now.
    "I challenge you," said Platypus, "to a stair competition."  And everyone commenced staring at him.
    "Stair, not stare!" he exclaimed.  "Now, if you wish to access these stairs, you must defeat me in a match of Fufgo."*
    "Very well," said RoboRabbit.  "We accept.  If any one of us defeats you, we get to climb the stair."
    "But if not," replied Platypus, "you must all go home and never find out what's at the top of this stair."
    "Don't do it, RoboRabbit," said Hilarious Hyena.  "We can easily beat him."
    "I accept," said RoboRabbit.
    "Why, Platypus?" asked Megano.  "Why would you want to doom the universe?"
    "I think the universe is just fine the way it is," replied Platypus.
    "The world is weird," said Jhoqi.
    "Enough talk," said RoboRabbit.  "If we're going to have an epic game of Fufgo, we'd better start now.  Fufgo!"  And thus the battle commenced, with everyone assuming a ready stance and complete silence, which is called for by the rules of Fufgo, ensuing.
    Diomedes was the first to be defeated.  Fufgo is played free for all, so after Platypus crippled him it was Bloopanda that took him out.  He went to to get a soda and came back.  Jhoqi was not very agile or fast, so she was fairly easily crippled by Hilarious Hyena and finished off by RoboRabbit.  Then, when Megano attempted a swing at RoboRabbit, he dodged and counterattacked.  Hilarious Hyena, whom RoboRabbit refused to even move in the direction of, then crippled him and was, in turn, attacked by Killer Kangaroo.  Platypus took Killer Kangaroo out all at once, but Teddy, who hadn't even been noticed thus far, surprise attacked him.
    After Megano crippled Teddy she was reluctantly defeated by RoboRabbit.  Hilarious Hyena attacked Bloopanda, but he defeated her.  Then a series of swift attacks left just RoboRabbit and Platypus still in the game.  There was no avoiding this outcome.
    Both equally matched in every way and completely determined to win, RoboRabbit battled Platypus faster than the eye could follow.  Diomedes showed up with not only a soda. but also an enormous bag of popcorn for everyone to share.  By the time they finished the popcorn, a crowd of over a hundred people had shown up, rooting for RoboRabbit mostly, although their rooting left them unable to move yet completely capable of absorbing nutrients from the ground.  They soon trunked trunks so long they could use them to eat peanuts off the ground, and before long Platypus and RoboRabbit were in an elephant forest.  And still they continued fighting.

*bum bum bum

-Alive-

    Dead.  RoboRabbit is dead.  But he's not dead.  He's merely in a state which is the opposite of being alive.  He is anti-alive.  This is an easy fix, except that RoboRabbit must first want to be alive.  Alive.  RoboRabbit is dead.  No, not dead.  In a state of lacking the will to live.  What reason is there to live, anyway?  He's killed numerous characters.  He can only count to four, so as far as he knows he's killed anywhere from five to a thousand.  Hrair.  So many have left him by himself.  He knows that, while they were once great friends, they're no longer big fans of hanging out with him, and it gets pretty hot when there are no fans.
    Oapsuf.  Jhoqi.  Upooq.  They formed an agreement, a treaty with him long ago.  They didn't know that he was just trying to get friends.  People he can make happy.  He doesn't make anyone happy now.  Hilarious Hyena was going to be his biggest triumph.  He would make her happier than anyone in the world.  Anyone in the universe.  Failed.  RoboRabbit has failed.  He is making no one happy right now, and his goal is to make everyone happy.  Stupid.  How could he hope to make everyone happy?  He hasn't even seen everyone in the world.  The universe.  He's seen two universes created, lived in both for a while.  But he hasn't even seen a small portion of them.
    Hilarious Hyena isn't happy isn't happy.  Why would she be happy?  What could make her happy?  And almost as important to RoboRabbit is a much larger question.  What could make the whole world happy?  What could even affect the whole world?  The answer is obvious.  The world is weird.  The universe.  He saw it created from the middle of another universe.  Changing it back would affect.  Would it make them happy?  Who knows?  He's seen the past, not the future.
    What is this chapter, anyway?    It's a look inside RoboRabbit's mind, but the whole story is a look inside RoboRabbit's mind.  Would that make it a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind?  And what is this paragraph?  RoboRabbit is thinking about what he's thinking, so it must be a look inside a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind.  What is this, Inception?  No, it's just satire.  The point is, RoboRabbit now has the will to live, so he can make the world happy.  Alive.  RoboRabbit is alive.

    "RoboRabbit's waking up!"  shouted Killer Kangaroo.
    "But I thought he's in that other universe,"  said Hilarious Hyena.
    "He was," said RoboRabbit.  "And he's been waiting around until now, although perhaps skipping some of the more boring parts."
    "What about Megano?" asked Teddy.  "What happened to her?"
    "Who?" asked RoboRabbit.
    "Pivr," said Diomedes.
    "Oh," replied RoboRabbi.  "She ought to be here right now.  I sent her on a few errans."
    Just then a female flying griffin flew floataciously forward to the ground.  RoboRabbi gave her a pat on the head.
    "Everyone," he said, "I'd like you to meet Pivr."
    "Megano," interjected Megano.
    "Are you finished with those errands?"  asked RoboRabbit.
    "Yes, RoboRabbit, I am finished with those errands," she replied.
    It was just then that everyone noticed Jhoqi, who had a weird pale look on her face.  Then she stood up, took the weird pale look off of her face, and put it on RoboRabbit's face.
    "I sense the One's presence is among us," she said.  Then she began to raise her hand in the direction of RoboRoboRabbit, the pale look still on his face.  She was about to point at him when a flaming panda arrived from the sky at the exact spot which she immediately pointed at.

    "Uhh..." said the panda, which RoboRabbit now noticed was a deep blue.  "Oh sorry," he said, getting out of way of Jhoqi's point, which nonetheless relentlessly followed him.  "I just wanted to see who the One was."
    "Interesting," said Jhoqi.  "Very Jhoqi."
    "Jhoqi," said RoboRabbit.  "Are you pointing at me?"
    "No," replied Jhoqi.  "Him."  Still her hand pointed at the panda.  "The One has been found!"
    "What?" said RoboRabbit.
    "What?" interjected Killer Kangaroo.
    "What?" exclaimed Hilarious Hyena.