RoboRabbit ate waffles.
Killer Kangaroo had decided to buy a whole bunch of waffle mi and had made far too many to consume himself, which is good because nobody wanted him to consume himself. That would give him terrible indigestion. The whole time RoboRabbit was eating, he considered Megano. She had been created for the express purpose of being his companion, but she had become more than that. Her purpose no longer required twenty items or less, but could handle an indefinite amount of items. As RoboRabbit was eating an obscene* amount of waffles, Killer Kangaroo noticed a change in him that had been so gradual that, while it was halfway complete, no one had noticed it until now.
"RoboRabbit," said Killer Kangaroo, "have you noticed a change in yourself over the past couple months?"
"Nothing significant," replied RoboRabbit.
"Well, RoboRabbit, you're-"
At that precise moment, Megano burst into the room with a large plate of waffles, so large that she had to carry it above her head. Her pancakes had the smell of awesomeness about them, and also chocolate chips. RoboRabbit knew what was coming, so he gathered himself. Then he put himself in a box. Then he put that box inside of another box. Then he mailed that box to himself, and when it arrived - ahahaha - he smashed it with a hammer! It was brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
"I don't like waffles," said Megano, "but someone gave these to me, so I thought that you could eat them."
"Don't like waffles!" exclaimed RoboRabbit. "The only one's who don't like waffles have never tasted one! No matter, I'll gladly eat that large plate of waffles, and also the waffles on it."
RoboRabbit ate waffles.
He felt his energy slowly depleting as he quickly devoured the dwindling-at-an-average-speed plate of waffles, as well as the consistently fading pile of waffles atop the plate. While he was busying himself with the plate of waffles and waffles, the little red owl entered the scene wearing plate mail. Slightly embarrassed at the sight of RoboRabbit wearing a towel, she asked , "Why do you have a hairbrush? You don't have any hair!"
RoboRabbit ate waffles.
"No hair for my hairbrush?" he said. "No hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no hair, no haaaaaaaaaiiir for my hairbrush!"
The little red owl's plate mail was addressed to RoboRabbit, who opened it to find that the plates were all piled with waffles. These waffles carried the smell of carrots, which I'm sure was very heavy, a hypothesis vindicated by the actions of the waffles as they relieved their burden by throwing the smell of carrots toward RoboRabbit, who ingested it via his nose. He was going to have difficulty eating all of the waffles, but he was confident in his abilities, so he decided to continue in his endeavor.
RoboRabbit ate waffles.
"RoboRabbit," inquired the little red owl, "have you changed?"
"Yeah, it looks as if he has, now that you mention it," concurred Megano.
"Indeed," said Killer Kangaroo. "I noticed the same phenomenon."
"RoboRabbit, it looks as though-"
It was this moment which Dolf found to be opportune for coming into the room they were all in, bearing, a course, a plate of many blueberry waffles. He was wearing plate femail, which he placed next to the plate mail that the little red owl had been wearing. The plate mail and plate femail proceeded to call the stork, and a baby was soon delivered**. RoboRabbit knew there was no way he could eat all of those waffles in his current state, but he knew what to do. He hadn't lost his sky bison, had it returned to him, discovered a note that had been taken from the bison's horn, followed the note's instructions to find an old bald monk, drunk gallons of onions and banana juice, and unlocked all of his chakras to fail now. He knew what to do.
"Avatar state! Yip yip!" he exclaimed, and his tattoos and his eyes began to glow as he was infused with the knowledge and power of all of his pasts. This would allow him to accomplish his task.
RoboRabbit ate waffles.
"Hey," commented Dolf. "Is it just me, or is there some sort of change in RoboRabbit?"
"Yes," answered Megano.
"Latter," said the little red owl.
"Shoot!" exclaimed Killer Kangaroo. "I was just about to tell him, Dolf, when you walked in, you noob."
"You're a noob," said Megano.
"No, you're the noob here," he countered.
"I can see how you might get confused," replied Megano, "since we look so similar."
"Alright," interceded Dolf. "Let's just tell him. RoboRabbit, you're semblance-"
Immediately a random aardwolf came into their place carrying several plates of banana nut pancakes. He examined everyone and the ridiculous waffles heap and made an inference, then had an epiphany.
"Wrong room," he said as he hurriedly fled towards the room next door, from which RoboRabbit had been hearing many pancake noises. He could really use to cordon grien right now to take a break from all the various waffles, but as long as he was in the avatar state he knew he could finish them all. Then RoboRabbit noticed as he was greedily munching that the child of the plate mail and plate femail was a certificate of appreciate, probably from Costa Lxodi as RoboRabbit had been incorrectly written as roborabbit, which is almost as bad as accidentally writing "Sheen" rather than "Scheen," a mistake which implies a nonexistent and unwanted relation to a certain Sheen whose name isn't really worthy of mention in this story. The certificate appreciated many of RoboRabbit's actions which he had merely done for fun, and so he believed himself undeserving of it.
RoboRabbit ate waffles.
"RoboRabbit," said Megano.
"Yes, Pivr?" responded RoboRabbit.
"There's something we've been trying to tell you this whole time," she replied.
"And what is that?" asked RoboRabbit.
"Well," said Megano. "Remember how (not to be racist) you used to be black and then became white?"
"Of course I remember," said RoboRabbit. "It was a symbolic representation of my inner metamorphosis."
"Yes," said Megano, "well..."
"Pivr?"
"RoboRabbit, you're grey."
And RoboRabbit left Quexxiji, taking all of his remaining waffles with him.
RoboRabbit was out of waffles.
*Obscene amounts cannot be listed in children's books.
**Need I say it?
Friday, May 24, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Anecdotal Evidence
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. One of the more popular games on Quexxiji was a game called pool, which involved hitting a white ball with the tip of a stick in order to knock the other balls- what? You're telling me you know what pool is? Well aren't you the knowledgeable one? Anyway, RoboRabbit decided to hone his skills and become one of the best pool players on the planet, which took much practice, perseverance, and dedication, but he achieved it. He was soon among the top seven pool players on Quexxiji, and there was a tournament soon. Unfortunately, RoboRabbit found that after a long time playing pool his skin was full of wrinkles and his eyes burned from too much chlorine. After a little asking around, he was directed to a book entitled "Chronic Pool Syndrome: You've Probably Got it," which described an interesting condition from which he appeared to be suffering. This book supported its claims with lots of anecdotal evidence, which was good enough for RoboRabbit. So he decided to only play a little bit of pool every day until the tournament. His symptoms slowly faded until he was feeling completely fine when the day of the tournament arrived. He was not coarse at all.
While RoboRabbit knew that he was one of the top players, about twenty signed up for the tournament, so he had to spend half of his time playing with less skilled players. His first game against a similarly skilled player was with Killer Kangaroo. It was a rather close game, but RoboRabbit managed to make an extremely difficult double shot which he had not expected to make. After that, he had the advantage and was able to finish the game before Killer Kangaroo had a chance to. In the next game against a competent player RoboRabbit broke and made in five in a row due to the balls being arranged in such a manner as to allow him to easily do so, thus sealing his victory.
RoboRabbit's next game was a semifinal, and it was against Dolf. RoboRabbit knew Dolf to be an extremely skilled player and so he tried his best to win, which seemed to work at first as he knocked in three in a row, then his fourth shot failed to go in. Dolf showed intense focus as he began his own turn. As he took his first shot, RoboRabbit noticed that he lifted his pool stick up after every shot in a way that suggested rooting for the cue ball. Dolf's shot missed, but it put his target in a very good position. RoboRabbit had no very viable shot, so he took one to prevent Dolf from having a shot. Then Dolf attempted a trick shot and managed to be completely successful and position himself well. He took another shot and made in another ball. Then he made another, and another, but finally he accidentally hit the cue ball off the table, allowing RoboRabbit to hit in two more balls. Dolf hit in a ball on his turn and somehow managed to hit the cue ball off the table once again. This allowed RoboRabbit to finish with the rest of his balls and position the eight ball. Dolf made in three more on his turn, but he missed on the fourth shot, thus allowing RoboRabbit a place in the finals.
RoboRabbit knew who he would be up against in the finals, one who had garnered a reputation as the best pool player on Quexxiji. He was known to often win on his first or second turn. Thus RoboRabbit had no expectation of winning, as he could not hope to compete. He was glad to have somehow secured second place. Still, he tried his best in his final game.
His opponent took the first turn and made in four balls. RoboRabbit knocked two in and put the cue ball in a difficult position. Thus his opponent's next turn was wasted on repositioning, though he came somewhat close to hitting one in. RoboRabbit hit one in but missed the second shot, allowing his opponent to make two more shots. RoboRabbit found himself in a very difficult position and decided to put his opponent into a more difficult one. He hit the eight ball with just the right amount of force so that it was on the edge of a corner pocket, with the cue ball right next to it. His opponent was forced to use his next turn getting the cue ball away from the eight ball, which allowed RoboRabbit to hit one in and, from there, put his opponent's last ball right next to the eight ball. This caused his opponent to hit the eight ball in by accident, and thus RoboRabbit won the pool tournament with superior strategy, earning the title of best swimmer on Quexxiji and giving him a terrible case of Chrinic Pool Syndrome.
While RoboRabbit knew that he was one of the top players, about twenty signed up for the tournament, so he had to spend half of his time playing with less skilled players. His first game against a similarly skilled player was with Killer Kangaroo. It was a rather close game, but RoboRabbit managed to make an extremely difficult double shot which he had not expected to make. After that, he had the advantage and was able to finish the game before Killer Kangaroo had a chance to. In the next game against a competent player RoboRabbit broke and made in five in a row due to the balls being arranged in such a manner as to allow him to easily do so, thus sealing his victory.
RoboRabbit's next game was a semifinal, and it was against Dolf. RoboRabbit knew Dolf to be an extremely skilled player and so he tried his best to win, which seemed to work at first as he knocked in three in a row, then his fourth shot failed to go in. Dolf showed intense focus as he began his own turn. As he took his first shot, RoboRabbit noticed that he lifted his pool stick up after every shot in a way that suggested rooting for the cue ball. Dolf's shot missed, but it put his target in a very good position. RoboRabbit had no very viable shot, so he took one to prevent Dolf from having a shot. Then Dolf attempted a trick shot and managed to be completely successful and position himself well. He took another shot and made in another ball. Then he made another, and another, but finally he accidentally hit the cue ball off the table, allowing RoboRabbit to hit in two more balls. Dolf hit in a ball on his turn and somehow managed to hit the cue ball off the table once again. This allowed RoboRabbit to finish with the rest of his balls and position the eight ball. Dolf made in three more on his turn, but he missed on the fourth shot, thus allowing RoboRabbit a place in the finals.
RoboRabbit knew who he would be up against in the finals, one who had garnered a reputation as the best pool player on Quexxiji. He was known to often win on his first or second turn. Thus RoboRabbit had no expectation of winning, as he could not hope to compete. He was glad to have somehow secured second place. Still, he tried his best in his final game.
His opponent took the first turn and made in four balls. RoboRabbit knocked two in and put the cue ball in a difficult position. Thus his opponent's next turn was wasted on repositioning, though he came somewhat close to hitting one in. RoboRabbit hit one in but missed the second shot, allowing his opponent to make two more shots. RoboRabbit found himself in a very difficult position and decided to put his opponent into a more difficult one. He hit the eight ball with just the right amount of force so that it was on the edge of a corner pocket, with the cue ball right next to it. His opponent was forced to use his next turn getting the cue ball away from the eight ball, which allowed RoboRabbit to hit one in and, from there, put his opponent's last ball right next to the eight ball. This caused his opponent to hit the eight ball in by accident, and thus RoboRabbit won the pool tournament with superior strategy, earning the title of best swimmer on Quexxiji and giving him a terrible case of Chrinic Pool Syndrome.
Friday, May 10, 2013
War on Quexxiji
As it turns out there had been a war going on in Quexxiji for several years now. The two sides had soon grown tired of fighting all the time so they decided to each send a small group to battle for an hour or two every day. It wasn't a very formal war, in fact it only wore jeans and a t-shirt, so nothing was really set. Everyone was constantly switching sides and on some days, especially weekends, nobody even showed up to fight because they had better things to do. As soon as RoboRabbit and Killer Kangaroo heard of this was they elected to join in, often switching sides like everyone else. RoboRabbit strove to participate in the battle every day, but Megano, Dolf, and the little red owl never even watched one of the battles.
The fighting arts of the inhabitants of Quexxiji were very different from those RoboRabbit and Killer Kangaroo were used to, so they spent most of their early battles accustoming themselves to the native style. In addition, none of RoboRabbit's weapons were permitted on the battlefield, forcing him to become and expert in hand to hand and foot to foot combat. In one battle, RoboRabbit was charging the enemy and noticed that one of them was sneaking around behind all of his teammates. RoboRabbit immediately halted his charge and bolted back to this sneaky snake in one hop. He quickly dispatched him and noticed more enemies sneaking through, which he did his best to fight off. This became RoboRabbit's main objective in all of the battles henceforth. It seemed that no one else was defending the bases, so he made it his job. In fact, RoboRabbit soon found that he was much better at defense than offense.
But wait, you've read nothing yet. After he was defending for quite some time and there was a lull in the attacking, he saw the enemy beginning to bombard him with all kinds of cowrap. He soon found himself dodging a wrench, dodging a ball, driving a sandwich, avoiding a giant baby head, eating peanut and snowball projectiles, having to use the bathroom, exposing the phantom of the opera, flying faster than an unladen swallow, and wondering whether it was an African or European swallow, at which point his side won the battle. And that was just one of the battles.
Okay, like this one time, RoboRabbit was out in the parking lot trying to remove his excess ear wax with a golf pencil, when he saw this guy Marty trying to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs by himself. So RoboRabbit says to him, he says, "Hey, do you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw." So RoboRabbit did. And then he starts getting all indignant, he's like, "Hey, man! I was just being sarcastic!" Well that's just great. How was RoboRabbit supposed to know that? He's not a mind reader for crying out loud. Besides, now Marty's got a really cute nickname, Torso Boy, so what's he complaining about?
The fighting arts of the inhabitants of Quexxiji were very different from those RoboRabbit and Killer Kangaroo were used to, so they spent most of their early battles accustoming themselves to the native style. In addition, none of RoboRabbit's weapons were permitted on the battlefield, forcing him to become and expert in hand to hand and foot to foot combat. In one battle, RoboRabbit was charging the enemy and noticed that one of them was sneaking around behind all of his teammates. RoboRabbit immediately halted his charge and bolted back to this sneaky snake in one hop. He quickly dispatched him and noticed more enemies sneaking through, which he did his best to fight off. This became RoboRabbit's main objective in all of the battles henceforth. It seemed that no one else was defending the bases, so he made it his job. In fact, RoboRabbit soon found that he was much better at defense than offense.
But wait, you've read nothing yet. After he was defending for quite some time and there was a lull in the attacking, he saw the enemy beginning to bombard him with all kinds of cowrap. He soon found himself dodging a wrench, dodging a ball, driving a sandwich, avoiding a giant baby head, eating peanut and snowball projectiles, having to use the bathroom, exposing the phantom of the opera, flying faster than an unladen swallow, and wondering whether it was an African or European swallow, at which point his side won the battle. And that was just one of the battles.
Okay, like this one time, RoboRabbit was out in the parking lot trying to remove his excess ear wax with a golf pencil, when he saw this guy Marty trying to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs by himself. So RoboRabbit says to him, he says, "Hey, do you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw." So RoboRabbit did. And then he starts getting all indignant, he's like, "Hey, man! I was just being sarcastic!" Well that's just great. How was RoboRabbit supposed to know that? He's not a mind reader for crying out loud. Besides, now Marty's got a really cute nickname, Torso Boy, so what's he complaining about?
Friday, May 3, 2013
Battles of Initiation
The little red owl brought the three companions to an area where many inhabitants of Quexxiji passed through and sent and received messages. This are was known as the Duck. Nobody knew exactly why it was called the Duck, but they still referred to it as such. Many believed it to be an acronym, but if it was there was no consensus on what it stood for. It was in the Duck that they met a half-wolf, half-dog creature who stopped them and introduced himself.
"I am Dolf*," he said. "Get it? Half dog, half wolf, Dolf. It's a mix of the two words."
"Ahh, I see what you did there," commented Megano, who somehow found this explanation of Dolf's name immensely hilarious.
"The little red owl and I are a team," continued Dolf after a burst of laughter. "I would like to perform your initiation to Quexxiji, which should have happened when you got here. The initiation is a battle, which all who come to this planet must face against an opponent who has lived here for at least a year. Megano can go first, since she's the most awesomest one here."
"Alright," said Megano. "Let's do it!"
Then she proceeded to try and poke Dolf in both eyes with one hand, you know, like you do, but Dolf was too fast for her and quickly put his hand over his nose to stop hers. While she recovered from his parry he quickly thumped her on the forehead, but she acted as if he had never touched her and began tickling his sides, which caused him to let his guard down. His legs, however, were unaffected and he used them to trip Megano and then began laughing uncontrollably. But she quickly bounced back up and flew into the air out of Dolf's reach. She began teasing him from this vantage until he began throwing dodgeballs at her. She dodged one, then another, and as she barrel-rolled out of the third ball's path, she caught the first one on its way back down.
"You're out!" she exclaimed as she began gliding to the ground. "I win!"
"Okay," replied Dolf. "You won fair and circle. Now it's Killer Kangaroo's turn."
"Go for it," said Killer Kangaroo.
So Dolf went for it, aiming a Falcon Kick at Killer Kangaroo's chest. But Killer Kangaroo jumped above the kick and maneuvered himself to land directly on Dolf's stomach. Dolf rolled away just in time and spun to trip Killer Kangaroo as he landed. Unfortunately, he lacked the foresight to realize that this trip would land Killer Kangaroo on top of him, which is exactly what happened. He squirmed and kicked and punched but had no effect. Any attempts to lift Killer Kangaroo were futile. He heard a referee count to three and then declare Killer Kangaroo the winner.
"I declare Killer Kangaroo the winner!"
"My turn," said RoboRabbit as Dolf arose from the ground. He then jumped over Dolf to land directly behind him. He pulled out his feather duster as Dolf turned about and he proceeded to feather dust Dolf's nose. When Dolf sneezed, RoboRabbit pulled his finger, causing him to pass gas as well. Then he slapped Dolf on the back, causing him to cough, and punching him in the stomach, causing him to belch. He then flipped over Dolf and covered his mouth and nose until he passed out.
"Simplemente," interjected RoboRabbit.
*This is pronounced like the first part of "dolphin," which is a little known fish.
"I am Dolf*," he said. "Get it? Half dog, half wolf, Dolf. It's a mix of the two words."
"Ahh, I see what you did there," commented Megano, who somehow found this explanation of Dolf's name immensely hilarious.
"The little red owl and I are a team," continued Dolf after a burst of laughter. "I would like to perform your initiation to Quexxiji, which should have happened when you got here. The initiation is a battle, which all who come to this planet must face against an opponent who has lived here for at least a year. Megano can go first, since she's the most awesomest one here."
"Alright," said Megano. "Let's do it!"
Then she proceeded to try and poke Dolf in both eyes with one hand, you know, like you do, but Dolf was too fast for her and quickly put his hand over his nose to stop hers. While she recovered from his parry he quickly thumped her on the forehead, but she acted as if he had never touched her and began tickling his sides, which caused him to let his guard down. His legs, however, were unaffected and he used them to trip Megano and then began laughing uncontrollably. But she quickly bounced back up and flew into the air out of Dolf's reach. She began teasing him from this vantage until he began throwing dodgeballs at her. She dodged one, then another, and as she barrel-rolled out of the third ball's path, she caught the first one on its way back down.
"You're out!" she exclaimed as she began gliding to the ground. "I win!"
"Okay," replied Dolf. "You won fair and circle. Now it's Killer Kangaroo's turn."
"Go for it," said Killer Kangaroo.
So Dolf went for it, aiming a Falcon Kick at Killer Kangaroo's chest. But Killer Kangaroo jumped above the kick and maneuvered himself to land directly on Dolf's stomach. Dolf rolled away just in time and spun to trip Killer Kangaroo as he landed. Unfortunately, he lacked the foresight to realize that this trip would land Killer Kangaroo on top of him, which is exactly what happened. He squirmed and kicked and punched but had no effect. Any attempts to lift Killer Kangaroo were futile. He heard a referee count to three and then declare Killer Kangaroo the winner.
"I declare Killer Kangaroo the winner!"
"My turn," said RoboRabbit as Dolf arose from the ground. He then jumped over Dolf to land directly behind him. He pulled out his feather duster as Dolf turned about and he proceeded to feather dust Dolf's nose. When Dolf sneezed, RoboRabbit pulled his finger, causing him to pass gas as well. Then he slapped Dolf on the back, causing him to cough, and punching him in the stomach, causing him to belch. He then flipped over Dolf and covered his mouth and nose until he passed out.
"Simplemente," interjected RoboRabbit.
*This is pronounced like the first part of "dolphin," which is a little known fish.
Friday, April 26, 2013
A Puzzling Occurence
It took some time for Killer Kangaroo and Megano to adjust to life on Quexxiji, and even RoboRabbit had to get used to it. At the beginning they had all the food they could want and many forms of entertainment. The three of them once went to a meeting of many friends who lived nearby. Directly after arriving there RoboRabbit entered alone into a small room with many buttons on the walls. He was unaware of any events that took place involving Killer Kangaroo or Megano. After examining the room he found that every white wall was seamless. The entrance seemed to have stopped existing. The buttons, he found, occupied every inch of the walls as well as the ceiling, and they were all either red, green, or blue, thought they appeared to be in no order whatsoever.
Turning to the general area from which he knew he had entered the room, he pressed the first green button he saw. It changed from green to blue. He pressed it again and it changed to red. When he pushed it a third time, it reverted once again to green. He then began pushing all of the blue buttons and about half of the red ones until half were red and half were green.
"Christmas," he said playfully.
Then he noticed that the floor had also changed color. He hadn't noticed it before because the change was so gradual, but the floor underneath him had changed from white to yellow. He pressed all the red buttons and this time watched the floor slowly fade from yellow to green, and the entire room was green. Then he once again began pushing all the buttons until the floor was blue. When he pressed them all again, it changed to purple and thence to red. As he brought to floor back to yellow again he began to become slightly frustrated with these colorful circles encroaching upon the room. He sat down and began to think. He noticed a corner of the floor which appeared to be peeling off. He grabbed it and pulled and shortly discovered that it would only allow itself to be pulled far enough to reveal a small square button set into the floor so that he could not press it with his foot. He pushed the button and watched two screens come down from the ceiling near opposite walls. They showed him what happened concerning Megano and Killer Kangaroo.
Megano was viewing a screen which showed the activities of Killer Kangaroo, and RoboRabbit noticed that his screen had the same feed as hers, except hers appeared to have a blue tint. Megano was examining the screen as if she had just noticed. Perhaps she had found a button like his which had revealed it. Her room was round and entirely black, with the screen set into a part of the wall. Along the rest of the wall was written a sequence of numbers, all of them integers from one to seven, and all of them one of seven colors. In the center of the room was a console with an array of white, square buttons, seven rows of seven. RoboRabbit saw that Killer Kangaroo had the same array of buttons, but each row had a different color of buttons and each column was labeled witha blue number, though they were not in numerical order. This console was the only thing in Killer Kangaroo's blue room. RoboRabbit observed that the colors of the buttons could not be determined on Megano's screen and the numbers were invisible. This was due to the blue tint of the screen. This must be why the numbers were blue and why the screen was tinted. Megano had no clue which button was which.
This was a big puzzle which involved all three of them, and RoboRabbit knew they all would have to figure it out to some degree. he also knew his part of the puzzle had to interact in some way with the other two parts. So he changed his room once again to green, and he looked at the screens to find that the blue tint was not purple, and Killer Kangaroo's room had changed to match it. They were both perplexed at this phenomenon and were examining the objects which had changed color. RoboRabbit quickly reverted his room back to its general state of white. he looked back at the screen to find that Megano's screen showing Killer Kangaroo had gone black, and so had the room containing Killer Kangaroo. Their colors were opposing his. He knew that to enable them to complete their puzzles he had to give them white by making his room black. But he knew his buttons would not go black. No combination of red, green, and blue would possibly make black, so his buttons would have to become blank, but how? He attempted smashing a button, but only succeeded in nearly damaging himself. Then he heard a female voice come from everywhere and nowhere.
"Need some help?" the voice asked gaily. RoboRabbit could tell by its pitch and accent that it was the voice of an owl.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the little red owl here to help you," she replied.
"Well I'm certainly ready to be helped," said RoboRabbit.
"Good, now let's get started. Close your eyes." He complied. "Spin around three times."
"I think it's working," said RoboRabbit as he spun. When he finished, the little red owl said, "God, now keep your eyes shut. With my Leporidal compassion, and my knowledge of these facilities, I command you to turn these buttons off!"
"What?" said RoboRabbit. "I don't feel any diff- oh my cow, you're right!" He had rotated one of the buttons counterclockwise while talking to discover that this was the brightness control. When he turned it all the way, the button became blank. Looking at his screens, he saw that Killer Kangaroo's room had become white and that Megano's screen was fully on with no tint, so that she saw the different colors of Killer Kangaroo's button console as well as the numbers. She looked at the first number on her wall, then at Killer Kangaroo's console, and she pressed the corresponding button on her console. The button of Killer Kangaroo's console became white. He had long since given up pressing buttons, but as the opportunity appeared to arrive, he pressed the button. It went out and became black. Megano followed this procedure for the next number int he sequence, and RoboRabbit watched as each of her buttons took on the color that Killer Kangaroo's button lost. Soon Megano had all the colored buttons and Killer Kangaroo's were all blank. But nothing happened.
There had to be something else for one of them to do to finish the puzzle. RoboRabbit went tot eh button he had only pressed once, the buttons which controlled the screens. He pressed it, and as soon as the screens disappeared, the entrance to his room opneded. He left the room and saw the two doors leading to Megano and Killer Kangaroo. They were locked. RoboRabbit saw that their doors were glowing like fluorescent bulbs, but his was dark. He must have to turn their doors off to release them, but there seemed to be no way to do so from here. His door was off. It had turned off when he turned the screens off. RoboRabbit walked back into his room and turned one button clockwise. The door instantly shut. It only opened when everything in the room was off, so it must be the same for Megano and Killer Kangaroo. Their colors opposed his.
RoboRabbit turned on his screen so he could view their situation. He reverted his room back to its original state of white and saw the screen Megano was watching go blank. Killer Kangaroo's room went black, but his door remained shut. There must be something else to turn off in it, but if it was something for Killer Kangaroo to turn off then RoboRabbit would have to just wait for him to do so. So he sat and waited. He saw Killer Kangaroo sit down in frustration, for RoboRabbit's camera could still see the room clearly. His camera. A camera can't run without power. RoboRabbit turned off his screens again. He waited a minute, then he turned them back on. Killer Kangaroo had vacated the room. RoboRabbit swiftly went about making his room blank again. He saw Megano get a view of Killer Kangaroo's now empty room and knew she understood that she had to get herself out now. RoboRabbit opened his door, invited Killer Kangaroo in, and closed it again. He quickly informed Killer Kangaroo of the whole situation. Killer Kangaroo resolved to inform Megano of what to do next via the video screen.
RoboRabbit let Killer Kangaroo out of the current room and into his. He turned on Megano's screen and, after a minute or two, Megano watched Killer Kangaroo motion the pressing of his buttons in sequential order. He then pointed at the camera, signaling for her to press the buttons. After he signaled to wait, RoboRabbit once again let him out of one room and into another. They watched as Megano pressed the buttons in order and their colors were transferred back to Killer Kangaroo's console.
At the same time each corresponding number on her wall lost its color. RoboRabbit turned her screen off for her when she was almost done. Then, when she was finished, he turned his screen off. After waiting a minute for her to leave, he turned his screen back on to find the room empty. He opened his own door and they were all reunited. Still there was no way out. Then the little red owl which had spoken with RoboRabbit appeared through a hidden door in the wall and they all thanked her and rushed through and onward to their next adventure with their new companion in tow.
Turning to the general area from which he knew he had entered the room, he pressed the first green button he saw. It changed from green to blue. He pressed it again and it changed to red. When he pushed it a third time, it reverted once again to green. He then began pushing all of the blue buttons and about half of the red ones until half were red and half were green.
"Christmas," he said playfully.
Then he noticed that the floor had also changed color. He hadn't noticed it before because the change was so gradual, but the floor underneath him had changed from white to yellow. He pressed all the red buttons and this time watched the floor slowly fade from yellow to green, and the entire room was green. Then he once again began pushing all the buttons until the floor was blue. When he pressed them all again, it changed to purple and thence to red. As he brought to floor back to yellow again he began to become slightly frustrated with these colorful circles encroaching upon the room. He sat down and began to think. He noticed a corner of the floor which appeared to be peeling off. He grabbed it and pulled and shortly discovered that it would only allow itself to be pulled far enough to reveal a small square button set into the floor so that he could not press it with his foot. He pushed the button and watched two screens come down from the ceiling near opposite walls. They showed him what happened concerning Megano and Killer Kangaroo.
Megano was viewing a screen which showed the activities of Killer Kangaroo, and RoboRabbit noticed that his screen had the same feed as hers, except hers appeared to have a blue tint. Megano was examining the screen as if she had just noticed. Perhaps she had found a button like his which had revealed it. Her room was round and entirely black, with the screen set into a part of the wall. Along the rest of the wall was written a sequence of numbers, all of them integers from one to seven, and all of them one of seven colors. In the center of the room was a console with an array of white, square buttons, seven rows of seven. RoboRabbit saw that Killer Kangaroo had the same array of buttons, but each row had a different color of buttons and each column was labeled witha blue number, though they were not in numerical order. This console was the only thing in Killer Kangaroo's blue room. RoboRabbit observed that the colors of the buttons could not be determined on Megano's screen and the numbers were invisible. This was due to the blue tint of the screen. This must be why the numbers were blue and why the screen was tinted. Megano had no clue which button was which.
This was a big puzzle which involved all three of them, and RoboRabbit knew they all would have to figure it out to some degree. he also knew his part of the puzzle had to interact in some way with the other two parts. So he changed his room once again to green, and he looked at the screens to find that the blue tint was not purple, and Killer Kangaroo's room had changed to match it. They were both perplexed at this phenomenon and were examining the objects which had changed color. RoboRabbit quickly reverted his room back to its general state of white. he looked back at the screen to find that Megano's screen showing Killer Kangaroo had gone black, and so had the room containing Killer Kangaroo. Their colors were opposing his. He knew that to enable them to complete their puzzles he had to give them white by making his room black. But he knew his buttons would not go black. No combination of red, green, and blue would possibly make black, so his buttons would have to become blank, but how? He attempted smashing a button, but only succeeded in nearly damaging himself. Then he heard a female voice come from everywhere and nowhere.
"Need some help?" the voice asked gaily. RoboRabbit could tell by its pitch and accent that it was the voice of an owl.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the little red owl here to help you," she replied.
"Well I'm certainly ready to be helped," said RoboRabbit.
"Good, now let's get started. Close your eyes." He complied. "Spin around three times."
"I think it's working," said RoboRabbit as he spun. When he finished, the little red owl said, "God, now keep your eyes shut. With my Leporidal compassion, and my knowledge of these facilities, I command you to turn these buttons off!"
"What?" said RoboRabbit. "I don't feel any diff- oh my cow, you're right!" He had rotated one of the buttons counterclockwise while talking to discover that this was the brightness control. When he turned it all the way, the button became blank. Looking at his screens, he saw that Killer Kangaroo's room had become white and that Megano's screen was fully on with no tint, so that she saw the different colors of Killer Kangaroo's button console as well as the numbers. She looked at the first number on her wall, then at Killer Kangaroo's console, and she pressed the corresponding button on her console. The button of Killer Kangaroo's console became white. He had long since given up pressing buttons, but as the opportunity appeared to arrive, he pressed the button. It went out and became black. Megano followed this procedure for the next number int he sequence, and RoboRabbit watched as each of her buttons took on the color that Killer Kangaroo's button lost. Soon Megano had all the colored buttons and Killer Kangaroo's were all blank. But nothing happened.
There had to be something else for one of them to do to finish the puzzle. RoboRabbit went tot eh button he had only pressed once, the buttons which controlled the screens. He pressed it, and as soon as the screens disappeared, the entrance to his room opneded. He left the room and saw the two doors leading to Megano and Killer Kangaroo. They were locked. RoboRabbit saw that their doors were glowing like fluorescent bulbs, but his was dark. He must have to turn their doors off to release them, but there seemed to be no way to do so from here. His door was off. It had turned off when he turned the screens off. RoboRabbit walked back into his room and turned one button clockwise. The door instantly shut. It only opened when everything in the room was off, so it must be the same for Megano and Killer Kangaroo. Their colors opposed his.
RoboRabbit turned on his screen so he could view their situation. He reverted his room back to its original state of white and saw the screen Megano was watching go blank. Killer Kangaroo's room went black, but his door remained shut. There must be something else to turn off in it, but if it was something for Killer Kangaroo to turn off then RoboRabbit would have to just wait for him to do so. So he sat and waited. He saw Killer Kangaroo sit down in frustration, for RoboRabbit's camera could still see the room clearly. His camera. A camera can't run without power. RoboRabbit turned off his screens again. He waited a minute, then he turned them back on. Killer Kangaroo had vacated the room. RoboRabbit swiftly went about making his room blank again. He saw Megano get a view of Killer Kangaroo's now empty room and knew she understood that she had to get herself out now. RoboRabbit opened his door, invited Killer Kangaroo in, and closed it again. He quickly informed Killer Kangaroo of the whole situation. Killer Kangaroo resolved to inform Megano of what to do next via the video screen.
RoboRabbit let Killer Kangaroo out of the current room and into his. He turned on Megano's screen and, after a minute or two, Megano watched Killer Kangaroo motion the pressing of his buttons in sequential order. He then pointed at the camera, signaling for her to press the buttons. After he signaled to wait, RoboRabbit once again let him out of one room and into another. They watched as Megano pressed the buttons in order and their colors were transferred back to Killer Kangaroo's console.
At the same time each corresponding number on her wall lost its color. RoboRabbit turned her screen off for her when she was almost done. Then, when she was finished, he turned his screen off. After waiting a minute for her to leave, he turned his screen back on to find the room empty. He opened his own door and they were all reunited. Still there was no way out. Then the little red owl which had spoken with RoboRabbit appeared through a hidden door in the wall and they all thanked her and rushed through and onward to their next adventure with their new companion in tow.
Friday, April 5, 2013
True Engineering
Seeing as you may very well have never seen a true engineer at work, it appears that my duty is to describe what exactly a true engineer does. An engineer requires little or no knowledge of something to figure it out. The best engineers can examine an obscure object and determine what it does and how it does it. The best flavor of engineers had ADD or ADHD, allowing them to be more creative and to flourish when doing several things at once. Such engineers cause total efficiency to be greater than the sum of its parts, meaning that doing everything simultaneously takes less time than doing one task after the other. Finally, true engineers are capable of making things into something you never thought they could form. They are inventors and problem solvers, working with what they have to make what they need. This is where devices like the potato clock and the Raspberry Pi come from. All this taken into account, RoboRabbit knew just what to do next.
"Time to fly," he said as he began heading back to the vehicle which brought him here. Unfortunately his head soon started to hurt so, rather than heading back, he decided to simply walk back.
After arriving at their respective vehicles (aside from Bloopanda, whose vehicle was disrespective), they had taken off in a general that way direction (the direction in which I am pointing). RoboRabbit had given the controls to Megano while he worked on some sort of project, but as they approached the edge of the galaxy he moved his project over to the turret controls so that he could access both at once, for there was a blockade blocking them and their aides from crossing the blocking blockade.
Now RoboRabbit began shooting every which way with his turret, but not any warlock ways. Every shot hit its target as they got closer and closer to the blockade. Soon enough, Killer Kangaroo rook up the other turret's controls and began blasting away. Than RoboRabbit remembered that he has a 20-page report on urchins to write, so he fashioned some spare parts into a typewriter with one hand while he worked on his other project with the other hand and took over the turret controls with his feet, all the while never missing an opportunity to destroy an enemy ship.
But then his feet slipped on the controls, messing up his entire rhythm. He dropped his tool in one hand and paused the writing of his report as he centered himself and, one at a time, began doing each task again. The blockade was to thick that, with only one individual manning a turret, a path through the enemies took twice as long to make, so their ship had to slow to a crawl. Its lack of appendages made such a feat nearly impossible, so it was really more of an inch or perhaps a slow slither.
RoboRabbit placed his feet back on the turret controls and slowly got back up to speed, shooting the enemies. With the ship completely surrounded and completely stopped, they were no longer forging a path but fighting to save their lives. Then RoboRabbit had an ingenious idea, not than such a description really makes sense. I mean, have you ever stopped to think about the word "ingenious"? I'm not saying that the idea was not genius, because it certainly was, that's the point. So where are we getting the "in" prefix, which typically means something along the lines of "not"? One might conclude from this that the inventor of this word was not the sharpest carrot in the field, which is ironic because of the alleged meaning of the word. RoboRabbit, however, was the sharpest carrot in the field, as demonstrated by the idea he just thought of and started implementing.
While still controlling the turret very adeptly, he began dismantling the controls and altering them. After various manipulations and additions of doohickies and thingymabobs, he remantled the controls and, once they were fully mantled again, then he programmed a few functions into the system. All this he did while shooting down* every ship in sight, one by one. Once he was finished programming the controls, he stopped controlling them, yet his modifications caused them to continue shooting ships with accuracy and precision at approximately the same speed he had been shooting them at. This freed up all of his appendages to work on his project and report, which he made short work of. Then RoboRabbit activated his project, which was some sort of complex device. It took a few seconds to boot up, then a shield coalesced around the ship. At the same time he wrote the last sentence in his report.
*This takes significant skill as there in no down in space.
"Time to fly," he said as he began heading back to the vehicle which brought him here. Unfortunately his head soon started to hurt so, rather than heading back, he decided to simply walk back.
After arriving at their respective vehicles (aside from Bloopanda, whose vehicle was disrespective), they had taken off in a general that way direction (the direction in which I am pointing). RoboRabbit had given the controls to Megano while he worked on some sort of project, but as they approached the edge of the galaxy he moved his project over to the turret controls so that he could access both at once, for there was a blockade blocking them and their aides from crossing the blocking blockade.
Now RoboRabbit began shooting every which way with his turret, but not any warlock ways. Every shot hit its target as they got closer and closer to the blockade. Soon enough, Killer Kangaroo rook up the other turret's controls and began blasting away. Than RoboRabbit remembered that he has a 20-page report on urchins to write, so he fashioned some spare parts into a typewriter with one hand while he worked on his other project with the other hand and took over the turret controls with his feet, all the while never missing an opportunity to destroy an enemy ship.
But then his feet slipped on the controls, messing up his entire rhythm. He dropped his tool in one hand and paused the writing of his report as he centered himself and, one at a time, began doing each task again. The blockade was to thick that, with only one individual manning a turret, a path through the enemies took twice as long to make, so their ship had to slow to a crawl. Its lack of appendages made such a feat nearly impossible, so it was really more of an inch or perhaps a slow slither.
RoboRabbit placed his feet back on the turret controls and slowly got back up to speed, shooting the enemies. With the ship completely surrounded and completely stopped, they were no longer forging a path but fighting to save their lives. Then RoboRabbit had an ingenious idea, not than such a description really makes sense. I mean, have you ever stopped to think about the word "ingenious"? I'm not saying that the idea was not genius, because it certainly was, that's the point. So where are we getting the "in" prefix, which typically means something along the lines of "not"? One might conclude from this that the inventor of this word was not the sharpest carrot in the field, which is ironic because of the alleged meaning of the word. RoboRabbit, however, was the sharpest carrot in the field, as demonstrated by the idea he just thought of and started implementing.
While still controlling the turret very adeptly, he began dismantling the controls and altering them. After various manipulations and additions of doohickies and thingymabobs, he remantled the controls and, once they were fully mantled again, then he programmed a few functions into the system. All this he did while shooting down* every ship in sight, one by one. Once he was finished programming the controls, he stopped controlling them, yet his modifications caused them to continue shooting ships with accuracy and precision at approximately the same speed he had been shooting them at. This freed up all of his appendages to work on his project and report, which he made short work of. Then RoboRabbit activated his project, which was some sort of complex device. It took a few seconds to boot up, then a shield coalesced around the ship. At the same time he wrote the last sentence in his report.
*This takes significant skill as there in no down in space.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Leave Now
In the midst of their battling RoboRabbit and Platypus had failed to notice that everyone had left to go to bed, not were they aware that everyone came trickling back in about nine hours later. The first to trickle in opened the faucet all the way so that the remainder would be able to pour in. Megano, when she came in, had a letter. It was the lapine letter ek. She also had an envelope which she proceeded to wave in the air.
"HekeHokkus, you got a letter!" she yelled at a supernatural volume. This statement triggered RoboRabbit's involuntary reaction software and, as he looked away, Platypus took him down almost instantaneously.
"Leave now," said Platypus, "and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back!"
As he said this everyone slowly began walking backwards toward the door, before they eventually all turned and walked in such a way that the second derivative of their position function was positive.
"What was that for?" said RoboRabbit as they left earshot. "You just prevented the universe from being saved!"
"Not necessarily," said Diomedes.
"Yes, necessarily!" exclaimed Killer Kangaroo. "We can't get to the top of the stair due to that bet, and the universe's salvation depends entirely on someone getting too the top of the stair."
"Perhaps you should be more observant," replied Diomedes calmly. "For instance, the order in which we left the Room of the Stair was as follows: Killer Kangaroo, Teddy, me, Hilarious Hyena, Bloopanda, Megano, Jhoqi, and then RoboRabbit. The stair was still existent until the instant the instant Bloopanda was completely out of the room, which means he is either the One or the Two."
"But it is true that I ruined the universe's chances of being saved," chimed in Megano.
"That's not true," said RoboRabbit. "It was a pretty stupid idea to include involuntary reactions in my software, which makes it equally my fault for doing so. In any case, the past is now irrelevant and your intentions were pure. Speaking of which, can I see that letter?"
She handed it to Jhoqi, who footed it to Bloopanda, who elbowed it to Diomedes, who thighed it to RoboRabbit, who then proceeded to read it. As he was reading, a moment which much of the group perceived as awkward ensued. Killer Kangaroo began to whistle a tune while Hilarious Hyena took out her pet cricket, which reminds me of something. Did I ever tell you about pet crickets? Y/N
You see, per crickets are generally intended to perform their natural function, which is making silence less silent. But, by its very nature, when silence becomes less silent it is no longer silence. Any amount of noise whill break the silence like a finger bent the wrong way. Thus, when a cricket's fabrication of noise removes the presence of silence, its services are no longer required, so it discontinued its noise. This action once again creates silence, thus starting the cycle once more. Therefore, a true cricket will create pulses of noise throughout a silence until another source of sound appears to relieve it of this job. In other words, a cricket making noise will continue making noise, and a cricket making no noise will continue making no noise, unless acted upon by an outside force. This principle is known as the Law of Crickets, and is completely relevant to this situation because it involves a cricket.
RoboRabbit suddenly jerked up and said, "I have been asked to join the planet Quexxiji, a world of discipline and practice, as have Killer Kangaroo and Megano. It appears that there will be free food, so I'me going."
"Me too," said Killer Kangaroo. "I have some skills that could use honing."
"As have I," said Megano.
"It's settled then," stated RoboRabbit. "We three will join Quexxiji alone while the rest of you do whatever."
"We will still travel with you on your journey there," said Bloopanda.
"Alright," said RoboRabbit. "But once we get there you'll have to go figure out something else to do."
"One more problem," said Diomedes. "Quexxiji is located outside of our galaxy."
"HekeHokkus, you got a letter!" she yelled at a supernatural volume. This statement triggered RoboRabbit's involuntary reaction software and, as he looked away, Platypus took him down almost instantaneously.
"Leave now," said Platypus, "and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back! Leave now, and never come back!"
As he said this everyone slowly began walking backwards toward the door, before they eventually all turned and walked in such a way that the second derivative of their position function was positive.
"What was that for?" said RoboRabbit as they left earshot. "You just prevented the universe from being saved!"
"Not necessarily," said Diomedes.
"Yes, necessarily!" exclaimed Killer Kangaroo. "We can't get to the top of the stair due to that bet, and the universe's salvation depends entirely on someone getting too the top of the stair."
"Perhaps you should be more observant," replied Diomedes calmly. "For instance, the order in which we left the Room of the Stair was as follows: Killer Kangaroo, Teddy, me, Hilarious Hyena, Bloopanda, Megano, Jhoqi, and then RoboRabbit. The stair was still existent until the instant the instant Bloopanda was completely out of the room, which means he is either the One or the Two."
"But it is true that I ruined the universe's chances of being saved," chimed in Megano.
"That's not true," said RoboRabbit. "It was a pretty stupid idea to include involuntary reactions in my software, which makes it equally my fault for doing so. In any case, the past is now irrelevant and your intentions were pure. Speaking of which, can I see that letter?"
She handed it to Jhoqi, who footed it to Bloopanda, who elbowed it to Diomedes, who thighed it to RoboRabbit, who then proceeded to read it. As he was reading, a moment which much of the group perceived as awkward ensued. Killer Kangaroo began to whistle a tune while Hilarious Hyena took out her pet cricket, which reminds me of something. Did I ever tell you about pet crickets? Y/N
You see, per crickets are generally intended to perform their natural function, which is making silence less silent. But, by its very nature, when silence becomes less silent it is no longer silence. Any amount of noise whill break the silence like a finger bent the wrong way. Thus, when a cricket's fabrication of noise removes the presence of silence, its services are no longer required, so it discontinued its noise. This action once again creates silence, thus starting the cycle once more. Therefore, a true cricket will create pulses of noise throughout a silence until another source of sound appears to relieve it of this job. In other words, a cricket making noise will continue making noise, and a cricket making no noise will continue making no noise, unless acted upon by an outside force. This principle is known as the Law of Crickets, and is completely relevant to this situation because it involves a cricket.
RoboRabbit suddenly jerked up and said, "I have been asked to join the planet Quexxiji, a world of discipline and practice, as have Killer Kangaroo and Megano. It appears that there will be free food, so I'me going."
"Me too," said Killer Kangaroo. "I have some skills that could use honing."
"As have I," said Megano.
"It's settled then," stated RoboRabbit. "We three will join Quexxiji alone while the rest of you do whatever."
"We will still travel with you on your journey there," said Bloopanda.
"Alright," said RoboRabbit. "But once we get there you'll have to go figure out something else to do."
"One more problem," said Diomedes. "Quexxiji is located outside of our galaxy."
Friday, March 15, 2013
The Fight of the Stair
You may not yet know this, but RoboRabbit was known throughout the universe as the master of the game called Fufgo, a competition of speed, agility, and reflexes. The only known person who could match RoboRabbit's skill in Fufgo hadn't challenged him in thousands of years. And now, here he was. No one had noticed the stairs that had appeared in the middle of the room, nor the dude standing in front of them, until now.
"I challenge you," said Platypus, "to a stair competition." And everyone commenced staring at him.
"Stair, not stare!" he exclaimed. "Now, if you wish to access these stairs, you must defeat me in a match of Fufgo."*
"Very well," said RoboRabbit. "We accept. If any one of us defeats you, we get to climb the stair."
"But if not," replied Platypus, "you must all go home and never find out what's at the top of this stair."
"Don't do it, RoboRabbit," said Hilarious Hyena. "We can easily beat him."
"I accept," said RoboRabbit.
"Why, Platypus?" asked Megano. "Why would you want to doom the universe?"
"I think the universe is just fine the way it is," replied Platypus.
"The world is weird," said Jhoqi.
"Enough talk," said RoboRabbit. "If we're going to have an epic game of Fufgo, we'd better start now. Fufgo!" And thus the battle commenced, with everyone assuming a ready stance and complete silence, which is called for by the rules of Fufgo, ensuing.
Diomedes was the first to be defeated. Fufgo is played free for all, so after Platypus crippled him it was Bloopanda that took him out. He went to to get a soda and came back. Jhoqi was not very agile or fast, so she was fairly easily crippled by Hilarious Hyena and finished off by RoboRabbit. Then, when Megano attempted a swing at RoboRabbit, he dodged and counterattacked. Hilarious Hyena, whom RoboRabbit refused to even move in the direction of, then crippled him and was, in turn, attacked by Killer Kangaroo. Platypus took Killer Kangaroo out all at once, but Teddy, who hadn't even been noticed thus far, surprise attacked him.
After Megano crippled Teddy she was reluctantly defeated by RoboRabbit. Hilarious Hyena attacked Bloopanda, but he defeated her. Then a series of swift attacks left just RoboRabbit and Platypus still in the game. There was no avoiding this outcome.
Both equally matched in every way and completely determined to win, RoboRabbit battled Platypus faster than the eye could follow. Diomedes showed up with not only a soda. but also an enormous bag of popcorn for everyone to share. By the time they finished the popcorn, a crowd of over a hundred people had shown up, rooting for RoboRabbit mostly, although their rooting left them unable to move yet completely capable of absorbing nutrients from the ground. They soon trunked trunks so long they could use them to eat peanuts off the ground, and before long Platypus and RoboRabbit were in an elephant forest. And still they continued fighting.
*bum bum bum
"I challenge you," said Platypus, "to a stair competition." And everyone commenced staring at him.
"Stair, not stare!" he exclaimed. "Now, if you wish to access these stairs, you must defeat me in a match of Fufgo."*
"Very well," said RoboRabbit. "We accept. If any one of us defeats you, we get to climb the stair."
"But if not," replied Platypus, "you must all go home and never find out what's at the top of this stair."
"Don't do it, RoboRabbit," said Hilarious Hyena. "We can easily beat him."
"I accept," said RoboRabbit.
"Why, Platypus?" asked Megano. "Why would you want to doom the universe?"
"I think the universe is just fine the way it is," replied Platypus.
"The world is weird," said Jhoqi.
"Enough talk," said RoboRabbit. "If we're going to have an epic game of Fufgo, we'd better start now. Fufgo!" And thus the battle commenced, with everyone assuming a ready stance and complete silence, which is called for by the rules of Fufgo, ensuing.
Diomedes was the first to be defeated. Fufgo is played free for all, so after Platypus crippled him it was Bloopanda that took him out. He went to to get a soda and came back. Jhoqi was not very agile or fast, so she was fairly easily crippled by Hilarious Hyena and finished off by RoboRabbit. Then, when Megano attempted a swing at RoboRabbit, he dodged and counterattacked. Hilarious Hyena, whom RoboRabbit refused to even move in the direction of, then crippled him and was, in turn, attacked by Killer Kangaroo. Platypus took Killer Kangaroo out all at once, but Teddy, who hadn't even been noticed thus far, surprise attacked him.
After Megano crippled Teddy she was reluctantly defeated by RoboRabbit. Hilarious Hyena attacked Bloopanda, but he defeated her. Then a series of swift attacks left just RoboRabbit and Platypus still in the game. There was no avoiding this outcome.
Both equally matched in every way and completely determined to win, RoboRabbit battled Platypus faster than the eye could follow. Diomedes showed up with not only a soda. but also an enormous bag of popcorn for everyone to share. By the time they finished the popcorn, a crowd of over a hundred people had shown up, rooting for RoboRabbit mostly, although their rooting left them unable to move yet completely capable of absorbing nutrients from the ground. They soon trunked trunks so long they could use them to eat peanuts off the ground, and before long Platypus and RoboRabbit were in an elephant forest. And still they continued fighting.
*bum bum bum
Friday, March 8, 2013
-Alive-
Dead. RoboRabbit is dead. But he's not dead. He's merely in a state which is the opposite of being alive. He is anti-alive. This is an easy fix, except that RoboRabbit must first want to be alive. Alive. RoboRabbit is dead. No, not dead. In a state of lacking the will to live. What reason is there to live, anyway? He's killed numerous characters. He can only count to four, so as far as he knows he's killed anywhere from five to a thousand. Hrair. So many have left him by himself. He knows that, while they were once great friends, they're no longer big fans of hanging out with him, and it gets pretty hot when there are no fans.
Oapsuf. Jhoqi. Upooq. They formed an agreement, a treaty with him long ago. They didn't know that he was just trying to get friends. People he can make happy. He doesn't make anyone happy now. Hilarious Hyena was going to be his biggest triumph. He would make her happier than anyone in the world. Anyone in the universe. Failed. RoboRabbit has failed. He is making no one happy right now, and his goal is to make everyone happy. Stupid. How could he hope to make everyone happy? He hasn't even seen everyone in the world. The universe. He's seen two universes created, lived in both for a while. But he hasn't even seen a small portion of them.
Hilarious Hyena isn't happy isn't happy. Why would she be happy? What could make her happy? And almost as important to RoboRabbit is a much larger question. What could make the whole world happy? What could even affect the whole world? The answer is obvious. The world is weird. The universe. He saw it created from the middle of another universe. Changing it back would affect. Would it make them happy? Who knows? He's seen the past, not the future.
What is this chapter, anyway? It's a look inside RoboRabbit's mind, but the whole story is a look inside RoboRabbit's mind. Would that make it a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind? And what is this paragraph? RoboRabbit is thinking about what he's thinking, so it must be a look inside a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind. What is this, Inception? No, it's just satire. The point is, RoboRabbit now has the will to live, so he can make the world happy. Alive. RoboRabbit is alive.
"RoboRabbit's waking up!" shouted Killer Kangaroo.
"But I thought he's in that other universe," said Hilarious Hyena.
"He was," said RoboRabbit. "And he's been waiting around until now, although perhaps skipping some of the more boring parts."
"What about Megano?" asked Teddy. "What happened to her?"
"Who?" asked RoboRabbit.
"Pivr," said Diomedes.
"Oh," replied RoboRabbi. "She ought to be here right now. I sent her on a few errans."
Just then a female flying griffin flew floataciously forward to the ground. RoboRabbi gave her a pat on the head.
"Everyone," he said, "I'd like you to meet Pivr."
"Megano," interjected Megano.
"Are you finished with those errands?" asked RoboRabbit.
"Yes, RoboRabbit, I am finished with those errands," she replied.
It was just then that everyone noticed Jhoqi, who had a weird pale look on her face. Then she stood up, took the weird pale look off of her face, and put it on RoboRabbit's face.
"I sense the One's presence is among us," she said. Then she began to raise her hand in the direction of RoboRoboRabbit, the pale look still on his face. She was about to point at him when a flaming panda arrived from the sky at the exact spot which she immediately pointed at.
"Uhh..." said the panda, which RoboRabbit now noticed was a deep blue. "Oh sorry," he said, getting out of way of Jhoqi's point, which nonetheless relentlessly followed him. "I just wanted to see who the One was."
"Interesting," said Jhoqi. "Very Jhoqi."
"Jhoqi," said RoboRabbit. "Are you pointing at me?"
"No," replied Jhoqi. "Him." Still her hand pointed at the panda. "The One has been found!"
"What?" said RoboRabbit.
"What?" interjected Killer Kangaroo.
"What?" exclaimed Hilarious Hyena.
Oapsuf. Jhoqi. Upooq. They formed an agreement, a treaty with him long ago. They didn't know that he was just trying to get friends. People he can make happy. He doesn't make anyone happy now. Hilarious Hyena was going to be his biggest triumph. He would make her happier than anyone in the world. Anyone in the universe. Failed. RoboRabbit has failed. He is making no one happy right now, and his goal is to make everyone happy. Stupid. How could he hope to make everyone happy? He hasn't even seen everyone in the world. The universe. He's seen two universes created, lived in both for a while. But he hasn't even seen a small portion of them.
Hilarious Hyena isn't happy isn't happy. Why would she be happy? What could make her happy? And almost as important to RoboRabbit is a much larger question. What could make the whole world happy? What could even affect the whole world? The answer is obvious. The world is weird. The universe. He saw it created from the middle of another universe. Changing it back would affect. Would it make them happy? Who knows? He's seen the past, not the future.
What is this chapter, anyway? It's a look inside RoboRabbit's mind, but the whole story is a look inside RoboRabbit's mind. Would that make it a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind? And what is this paragraph? RoboRabbit is thinking about what he's thinking, so it must be a look inside a look inside a look inside RoboRabbit's mind. What is this, Inception? No, it's just satire. The point is, RoboRabbit now has the will to live, so he can make the world happy. Alive. RoboRabbit is alive.
"RoboRabbit's waking up!" shouted Killer Kangaroo.
"But I thought he's in that other universe," said Hilarious Hyena.
"He was," said RoboRabbit. "And he's been waiting around until now, although perhaps skipping some of the more boring parts."
"What about Megano?" asked Teddy. "What happened to her?"
"Who?" asked RoboRabbit.
"Pivr," said Diomedes.
"Oh," replied RoboRabbi. "She ought to be here right now. I sent her on a few errans."
Just then a female flying griffin flew floataciously forward to the ground. RoboRabbi gave her a pat on the head.
"Everyone," he said, "I'd like you to meet Pivr."
"Megano," interjected Megano.
"Are you finished with those errands?" asked RoboRabbit.
"Yes, RoboRabbit, I am finished with those errands," she replied.
It was just then that everyone noticed Jhoqi, who had a weird pale look on her face. Then she stood up, took the weird pale look off of her face, and put it on RoboRabbit's face.
"I sense the One's presence is among us," she said. Then she began to raise her hand in the direction of RoboRoboRabbit, the pale look still on his face. She was about to point at him when a flaming panda arrived from the sky at the exact spot which she immediately pointed at.
"Uhh..." said the panda, which RoboRabbit now noticed was a deep blue. "Oh sorry," he said, getting out of way of Jhoqi's point, which nonetheless relentlessly followed him. "I just wanted to see who the One was."
"Interesting," said Jhoqi. "Very Jhoqi."
"Jhoqi," said RoboRabbit. "Are you pointing at me?"
"No," replied Jhoqi. "Him." Still her hand pointed at the panda. "The One has been found!"
"What?" said RoboRabbit.
"What?" interjected Killer Kangaroo.
"What?" exclaimed Hilarious Hyena.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Before Calamity
The universe was one unfamiliar to RoboRabbit. The place was a fertile area, near to rivers. The time was noon. It had been dark not long before, but now the light was very bright. RoboRabbit had his tinted eyes on to filter the brightness. He had disguised himself as a cute, innocent little bunny to avoid suspicion.
The bright light began to coalesce into a single circle. Somehow this was starting to seem familiar. He was thinking about where his recognized this from for a week while millions of animals began to run and hop and prance and crawl and creep and fly and swim all around him. He didn't notice when it was, but at some point there were stars and a moon in the night sky where he hadn't seen anything before.
Then suddenly a new thought jolted RoboRabbit out of his trance. All of the animals he saw had their own mates, but he had none. This would be very conspicuous, so he hurried to build a female version of himself, which he named Pivr.* He noticed the animals lining up in front of two humans and decided to, again, blend in. So he took out his blender and got in line. When he got closer to the humans he realized they were naming all the animals and he eventually ended up with some name he couldn't pronounce. He decided to stick with Rabbit, a significant portion of his own name (not selfish at all, I know). Then he decided to give Pivr life since she was his only companion and she was merely a robot at the moment.
RoboRabbit managed to snatch an eagle baby and a lion cub, which he fed to Pivr. It took a very short time for her transformation to start. In fact the time it took was so short that it could not ride this ride and immediately left the park. Then Pivr acquired a personality.
"Pivr," said RoboRabbit. "Can you hear me?"
"Pivver?" asked Pivr. "What's a pivver?"
"It's your name, Pivr. I created you, and have named you Pivr."
"Well I hardly think that's a good name. It's too short and monosyllabic."
"Think you that you could come up with something better?"
"Of course!" exclaimed soon-to-not-be-Pivr.
"Of what course?"
"Of that obstacle course over there," she said, pointing east.
"What have you got then?"
"Megano."
"Gesundheit. What name have you?"
"Megano. My name is Megano."
"Megano?" exclaimed RoboRabbit. "That is silly! I think I'll continue calling you Pivr."
"Okay, but I won't respond to it," replied Megano, as I must now call her.
And RoboRabbit became the father of many nations.
*Keep translation out of reach of children.
The bright light began to coalesce into a single circle. Somehow this was starting to seem familiar. He was thinking about where his recognized this from for a week while millions of animals began to run and hop and prance and crawl and creep and fly and swim all around him. He didn't notice when it was, but at some point there were stars and a moon in the night sky where he hadn't seen anything before.
Then suddenly a new thought jolted RoboRabbit out of his trance. All of the animals he saw had their own mates, but he had none. This would be very conspicuous, so he hurried to build a female version of himself, which he named Pivr.* He noticed the animals lining up in front of two humans and decided to, again, blend in. So he took out his blender and got in line. When he got closer to the humans he realized they were naming all the animals and he eventually ended up with some name he couldn't pronounce. He decided to stick with Rabbit, a significant portion of his own name (not selfish at all, I know). Then he decided to give Pivr life since she was his only companion and she was merely a robot at the moment.
RoboRabbit managed to snatch an eagle baby and a lion cub, which he fed to Pivr. It took a very short time for her transformation to start. In fact the time it took was so short that it could not ride this ride and immediately left the park. Then Pivr acquired a personality.
"Pivr," said RoboRabbit. "Can you hear me?"
"Pivver?" asked Pivr. "What's a pivver?"
"It's your name, Pivr. I created you, and have named you Pivr."
"Well I hardly think that's a good name. It's too short and monosyllabic."
"Think you that you could come up with something better?"
"Of course!" exclaimed soon-to-not-be-Pivr.
"Of what course?"
"Of that obstacle course over there," she said, pointing east.
"What have you got then?"
"Megano."
"Gesundheit. What name have you?"
"Megano. My name is Megano."
"Megano?" exclaimed RoboRabbit. "That is silly! I think I'll continue calling you Pivr."
"Okay, but I won't respond to it," replied Megano, as I must now call her.
And RoboRabbit became the father of many nations.
*Keep translation out of reach of children.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Uncertainty
"I have to leave," said Ozzy. "Call me if you need me." And she gave Diomedes her phone numcer and left, her spotlight following her down the indefinite hall. Killer Kangaroo than took RoboRabbit's body and carried it as they continued forward. Ir wasn't long before they heard a casually apathetic chuckle behind them. Everyone turned around to see Hilarious Hyena approaching and laughing from behind. Her laughter grew ever louder and then slowly faded.
"Hi," she said to the group.
"Hi," said the group to her. And then they proceeded through the hallway. They entered an open area and immediately smelled an extremely cute scent coming from the right. They turned to behold Jhoqi sitting cross-legged in the grass, humming to herself. They immediately waltzed over to her (for she was humming waltz music).
"Where are we?" asked Teddy.
"This," replied Jhoqi, "is the room of the invisible stair. You can only climb the stair within the presence of the One and the Two. It leads to out true home, but only the One and the Two together can unlock the gate."
It was then that everyone noticed that the ceiling of the room was different from the preceeding hallway. They saw a large piece of notebook paper which, even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook. After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
"What is that?" inquired Hilarious Hyena.
"It's a spiral bound notebook," said Jhoqi.
"But what's it for? What's it do?"
"Just keep watching," replied Jhoqi. "You'll see."
And so they kept watching, and watching, and they watched for hours and then days and then months, but for me it was only a few minutes. They got so bored that they began carefully searching for the invisible stair, which they failed to locate. This they took to mean that the One and the Two were not both present. But when they told Jhoqi of their findings, she disagreed with their conclusion.
"There are actually two things required to even touch the invisible stair. First, the One and the Two must be present. Second, they must want to climb the stair, which requires consciousness. I suggest you cover all your bases before concluding that the One and the Two are not both present, for they very well might be here."
Then everyone realized that they hadn't looked at the ceiling in a while and looked up to see it had flipped again and was filled with words. It read:
"even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook. After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
'What's that?' inquired Hilarious Hyena..."
"It's us," said Killer Kangaroo as he read on. "It's our story."
"I suppose the invisible stair leads up to it," said Diomedes.
"Yup," said Jhoqi. "But you'll need the One and the Two physically and mentally to find it."
"We'll probably have to revive RoboRabbit then," pointed out Teddy.
"How are we to go about doing that?" asked Hilarious Hyena.
"Have you ever seen Snow White?" asked Jhoqi.
"Yes," Hilarious Hyena, "and I know where you're going. There's no way I'm doing that."
"What?" said Jhoqi. "I was just gonna say that I could really use one of those apples. I'm so tired!"
"Oh yeah," said Hilarious Hyena. "Me too."
And the ceiling notebook flipped again to a blank page.
"Hi," she said to the group.
"Hi," said the group to her. And then they proceeded through the hallway. They entered an open area and immediately smelled an extremely cute scent coming from the right. They turned to behold Jhoqi sitting cross-legged in the grass, humming to herself. They immediately waltzed over to her (for she was humming waltz music).
"Where are we?" asked Teddy.
"This," replied Jhoqi, "is the room of the invisible stair. You can only climb the stair within the presence of the One and the Two. It leads to out true home, but only the One and the Two together can unlock the gate."
It was then that everyone noticed that the ceiling of the room was different from the preceeding hallway. They saw a large piece of notebook paper which, even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook. After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
"What is that?" inquired Hilarious Hyena.
"It's a spiral bound notebook," said Jhoqi.
"But what's it for? What's it do?"
"Just keep watching," replied Jhoqi. "You'll see."
And so they kept watching, and watching, and they watched for hours and then days and then months, but for me it was only a few minutes. They got so bored that they began carefully searching for the invisible stair, which they failed to locate. This they took to mean that the One and the Two were not both present. But when they told Jhoqi of their findings, she disagreed with their conclusion.
"There are actually two things required to even touch the invisible stair. First, the One and the Two must be present. Second, they must want to climb the stair, which requires consciousness. I suggest you cover all your bases before concluding that the One and the Two are not both present, for they very well might be here."
Then everyone realized that they hadn't looked at the ceiling in a while and looked up to see it had flipped again and was filled with words. It read:
"even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook. After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
'What's that?' inquired Hilarious Hyena..."
"It's us," said Killer Kangaroo as he read on. "It's our story."
"I suppose the invisible stair leads up to it," said Diomedes.
"Yup," said Jhoqi. "But you'll need the One and the Two physically and mentally to find it."
"We'll probably have to revive RoboRabbit then," pointed out Teddy.
"How are we to go about doing that?" asked Hilarious Hyena.
"Have you ever seen Snow White?" asked Jhoqi.
"Yes," Hilarious Hyena, "and I know where you're going. There's no way I'm doing that."
"What?" said Jhoqi. "I was just gonna say that I could really use one of those apples. I'm so tired!"
"Oh yeah," said Hilarious Hyena. "Me too."
And the ceiling notebook flipped again to a blank page.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Super Spotlight
Ozzy walked along through the hallway and came upon the group, who were rubbing Teddy's tail against RoboRabbit's to create friction, to create heat, to create fire, to create light. Ozzy simply walked up to the mirror and examined it.
"Ozzy!" said Diomedes. "With your spotlight which gives you spots, won't you open this mirror, look, pots!"
Sure enough, everyone turned and saw a pile of pots which had been under a perception filter. Then Ozzy turned every witch way and every warlock way, trying to get her light to shine on the mirror, but it was no use. The spotlight maintained the exact shape of her body. Then Killer Kangaroo tried ramming the mirror, remembering his Prince of Persia days, but her merely bounced off and landed with a thud on the floor. HekeHokkus went ahead and attempted slicing it, though he knew that wouldn't work. Then they all took a rope and used it as a rubber band to launch Diomedes at the mirror, but he simply landed among the pots with a clatter and clang in the dark inn-yard.
It was right about then that HekeHokkus' good friend, the Doctor, showed up in his Tardis and stepped out. He tossed a device to RoboRabbit and reentered the Tardis. Then he disappeared in the same great light and noise which had brought him. RoboRabbit examined the device and accidentally fired it at Ozzy, who decided at that moment to become invisible. He then noticed a title on the device, which read, "Temporary Disappeary Thingy." While Ozzy was invisible from the blast, her spotlight still shone in the shape of her body, giving spots to everything behind her. She walked in front of the mirror and it lifted to reveal the next leg of their journey.
"Well," RoboRabbit, "I think it's time for me to leave." And he took out his paradox time machine, pressed a button, and disappeared. Then the wafflebear, who stood at the front of the group, began walking back. Everyone stared at her, wondering what she was doing.
"I must also leave," she said finally. "I cannot bear these adversities any longer. I must find elsewhere to hang out."
And thus left the wafflebear from their party. "No!!!!!!!" exclaimed RoboRabbit (he will be referred thusly henceforth). "My mission is failed!!! And I have already embarked on it!! Quack!!!! Quacking cowrap squirrel!" And he continued to explete in a similar fashion for several minutes until they heard the wafflebear's voice echo faintly back to them, saying, "And my name is..." before fading out of hearing. And then RoboRabbit became negative and died.
Pause. Wait. What? What just happened? RoboRabbit died? Is that really possible? I thought he had but one weakness that could kill him. Let me assure you now that it was not at all cold in that hallway. Therefore, is it even possible for RoboRabbit to die in these conditions? Well, not really. What you may have forgotten or not realized is that there are actually two ways for RoboRabbit to die. The first, of course, is his one weakness, with which other people can theoretically kill him. He can also kill himself by multiplying himself by -1 and thus becoming a negative, or dead, body. This is the method by which RoboRabbit just died.
"Ozzy!" said Diomedes. "With your spotlight which gives you spots, won't you open this mirror, look, pots!"
Sure enough, everyone turned and saw a pile of pots which had been under a perception filter. Then Ozzy turned every witch way and every warlock way, trying to get her light to shine on the mirror, but it was no use. The spotlight maintained the exact shape of her body. Then Killer Kangaroo tried ramming the mirror, remembering his Prince of Persia days, but her merely bounced off and landed with a thud on the floor. HekeHokkus went ahead and attempted slicing it, though he knew that wouldn't work. Then they all took a rope and used it as a rubber band to launch Diomedes at the mirror, but he simply landed among the pots with a clatter and clang in the dark inn-yard.
It was right about then that HekeHokkus' good friend, the Doctor, showed up in his Tardis and stepped out. He tossed a device to RoboRabbit and reentered the Tardis. Then he disappeared in the same great light and noise which had brought him. RoboRabbit examined the device and accidentally fired it at Ozzy, who decided at that moment to become invisible. He then noticed a title on the device, which read, "Temporary Disappeary Thingy." While Ozzy was invisible from the blast, her spotlight still shone in the shape of her body, giving spots to everything behind her. She walked in front of the mirror and it lifted to reveal the next leg of their journey.
"Well," RoboRabbit, "I think it's time for me to leave." And he took out his paradox time machine, pressed a button, and disappeared. Then the wafflebear, who stood at the front of the group, began walking back. Everyone stared at her, wondering what she was doing.
"I must also leave," she said finally. "I cannot bear these adversities any longer. I must find elsewhere to hang out."
And thus left the wafflebear from their party. "No!!!!!!!" exclaimed RoboRabbit (he will be referred thusly henceforth). "My mission is failed!!! And I have already embarked on it!! Quack!!!! Quacking cowrap squirrel!" And he continued to explete in a similar fashion for several minutes until they heard the wafflebear's voice echo faintly back to them, saying, "And my name is..." before fading out of hearing. And then RoboRabbit became negative and died.
Pause. Wait. What? What just happened? RoboRabbit died? Is that really possible? I thought he had but one weakness that could kill him. Let me assure you now that it was not at all cold in that hallway. Therefore, is it even possible for RoboRabbit to die in these conditions? Well, not really. What you may have forgotten or not realized is that there are actually two ways for RoboRabbit to die. The first, of course, is his one weakness, with which other people can theoretically kill him. He can also kill himself by multiplying himself by -1 and thus becoming a negative, or dead, body. This is the method by which RoboRabbit just died.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
An Empty Nut, a Hollow Carrot
"Alright," said the wafflebear. "Snack time is over, let's go."
Then RoboRabbit came up from behind RoboRabbit and held him back as he attempted to rush forward.
"Calm down, RoboRabbit," he said. "You know you don't want to do what you are thinking of. It would leave a permanent scar."
Then RoboRabbit stopped, sighed, and said, "You're right."
At this point RoboRabbit was feeling quite beside himself, and everyone was unsure why or how there were two RoboRabbits. From now on, to avoid confusion, I will call the new RoboRabbit by his rabbit name, HekeHokkus.
"Who are you?" asked Killer Kangaroo.
"Why are you here?" asked Diomedes.
"What did you stop RoboRabbit from doing?" asked the wafflebear.
"These are all questions I cannot answer, sort of. To avoid confusion, you can call me by my rabbit name, HekeHokkus. I am here to fix things, and I will only discuss with RoboRabbit what I stopped him from doing."
So they continued on their journey, and RoboRabbit walked with HekeHokkus out of earshot from the rest of the group, who attempted to shoot ears anyway. And HekeHokkus began a story:
"Obviously, I am yourself form the future, and I developed a way to go back in time to influence the course of history and make it right. On this day, I took a huge bite out of that wafflebear to bring my energy level to its maximum. That was one of my biggest regrets ever.
"After it happened, she was barely able to walk and so the group carried her around. This handicap caused us to lose many battles and eventually I was the only survivor. You can imagine how terrible I felt after doing that to my best friend, and so I decided to fix it. On top of that, I decided to fix events throughout history up until now, and I still have the time machine, a paradox which I handed to myself when all this happened. You can have it now, and use it when the opportune moment some."
At this point they reached the rest of the group, who had stopped due to a minor obstacle. RoboRabbit quickly ate the paradox time machine and looked up to view an enormous, large, gigantic, huge, ginormous, space-consuming, immense, oversized, reflective mirror blocking the entire hallway.
"Well, that's no good," said HekeHokkus in an uninterested voice. "All I have is this humongous ray and this invisible beam!"
"It seems to me," said Diomedes, "that it is most likely light activated."
"I'll give it light," said RoboRabbit. He then fired his laser at the mirror only to have it reflect and nick Killer Kangaroo's elbow. Then it ricked Diomedes' leg and joed HekeHokkus's foot.
"It's no use," said HekeHokkus. "You are as an empty nut, a hollow carrot, until you right your wrong which never happened.
Then RoboRabbit came up from behind RoboRabbit and held him back as he attempted to rush forward.
"Calm down, RoboRabbit," he said. "You know you don't want to do what you are thinking of. It would leave a permanent scar."
Then RoboRabbit stopped, sighed, and said, "You're right."
At this point RoboRabbit was feeling quite beside himself, and everyone was unsure why or how there were two RoboRabbits. From now on, to avoid confusion, I will call the new RoboRabbit by his rabbit name, HekeHokkus.
"Who are you?" asked Killer Kangaroo.
"Why are you here?" asked Diomedes.
"What did you stop RoboRabbit from doing?" asked the wafflebear.
"These are all questions I cannot answer, sort of. To avoid confusion, you can call me by my rabbit name, HekeHokkus. I am here to fix things, and I will only discuss with RoboRabbit what I stopped him from doing."
So they continued on their journey, and RoboRabbit walked with HekeHokkus out of earshot from the rest of the group, who attempted to shoot ears anyway. And HekeHokkus began a story:
"Obviously, I am yourself form the future, and I developed a way to go back in time to influence the course of history and make it right. On this day, I took a huge bite out of that wafflebear to bring my energy level to its maximum. That was one of my biggest regrets ever.
"After it happened, she was barely able to walk and so the group carried her around. This handicap caused us to lose many battles and eventually I was the only survivor. You can imagine how terrible I felt after doing that to my best friend, and so I decided to fix it. On top of that, I decided to fix events throughout history up until now, and I still have the time machine, a paradox which I handed to myself when all this happened. You can have it now, and use it when the opportune moment some."
At this point they reached the rest of the group, who had stopped due to a minor obstacle. RoboRabbit quickly ate the paradox time machine and looked up to view an enormous, large, gigantic, huge, ginormous, space-consuming, immense, oversized, reflective mirror blocking the entire hallway.
"Well, that's no good," said HekeHokkus in an uninterested voice. "All I have is this humongous ray and this invisible beam!"
"It seems to me," said Diomedes, "that it is most likely light activated."
"I'll give it light," said RoboRabbit. He then fired his laser at the mirror only to have it reflect and nick Killer Kangaroo's elbow. Then it ricked Diomedes' leg and joed HekeHokkus's foot.
"It's no use," said HekeHokkus. "You are as an empty nut, a hollow carrot, until you right your wrong which never happened.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Shut that Down!
After a few minutes of walking relatively quickly, the trio found themselves at a brick wall which their weapons had no effect on. They could easily tell that the hallway continued on the other side, but none of their attacks had any effect, so they decided to set up camp for the night and hopefully think of how to get past it while resting.
Much later, when they had all fallen asleep, a faint thump awoke RoboRabbit, who had sharp ears* and was a light sleeper. Another thump, slightly louder than the first, followed shortly thereafter. Soon the thumps grew loud enough to wake Teddy and Claudio McAwesome. The thumps grew louder and louder, reverberating off the walls, until they shook the whole room and hurt RoboRabbit's ears. Then he spotted Killer Kangaroo, in the dark, hopping towards them. He plowed through the wall as they dodged him and the debris, and they heard the sound of a large group pursuing him. RoboRabbit ran ahead and stopped Killer Kangaroo while Teddy and Claudio McAwesome prepared for battle. The four of them stood there and waited a few seconds, then they saw several robots approaching swiftly down the hallway. They immediately charged into the electronic adversaries and began smashing, flinging, lasering, and otherwise destroying them, which was a rather simple task except that they saw no end to the horde attacking them. For every robot they disabled, another instantly took its place, making for a very long battle which would require a strategy to be won. RoboRabbit observed that, while they were defeating robots, the robot bodies continued to exist, and thus he formulated his plan.
"Retreat!" yelled RoboRabbit.
When they reached the remains of the brick wall, they halted and formed a wall behind it. As the robots approached, each of them killed on simultaneously, leaving a line of dead robots on the ground. They continued with this tactic until there formed a wall of robots preventing the enemies from advancing. They soon nearly ran into an electric web. RoboRabbit touched it and jumped back, shocked by the results.
RoboRabbit observed that the lightning wall was being created by generators on the wall. He proceeded to fire his lasers at the generators, hoping to shut them down. He sucked no seed. He attempted to slice them, but he once again failed to suck seed. Then he heard a sound which seemed to ring a bell. Really. I mean it actually rang a bell. It was the sound of Diomedes' Pangolin Bell. He had used his robot charms to control the army which they had battled not long ago, and now he was here to help. Diomedes ordered the robots to generated an electromagnetic pulse, which shut down the entire army as well as the generators. It also put RoboRabbit into a stasis, conserving his biological energy as his system restarted. Thus they were forced to wait for him to reboot. Luckily for them, a giant pancake attack would keep them entertained for some time.
As they were gathered around RoboRabbit, an enormous blueberry pancake, with chocolate chips, approached from behind as it battled toward them.
"But I already ate breakfast!" shouted Killer Kangaroo.
Teddy attempted to nibble on it but made no noticeable difference.
"It's no use!" said Diomedes. "The only one capable of eating this largeness is RoboRabbit, and he's not conscious enough to do so."
"I'll go get help!" said Claudio McAwesome. Then, in a daring stunt, she jumped through the pancake and daringly ran down the daring hallway, daring to take her daring chances by her daring self.
"No, wait!" cried Teddy, but it was useless. She was out of hearing, and needed to stop by Wal-Mart and get some more. The pancake began launching tasty projectiles at the group, which were rather difficult to eat so quickly. Teddy began catching them and throwing the projectiles back at the pancake, which it simply absorbed back into itself. So, they all continued to eat the delicousness thrown at them.
Then Killer Kangaroo began jumping to the top of the pancake, grabbing part of it, and ripping it all the way down. Because nobody was there to eat the strips, the pancake simply absorbed them back into itself. Their stomachs soon became full and they became lethargic. They discontinued eating the flavorful projectiles and began being pelted by them, due to their inability to Dodge, and while they attempted to Ford and Chevi, they could only do those for a short period of time. They were soon buried underneath a pile of blueberries and chocolate chips and began to suffocate.
Suddenly, the wafflebear appeared from behind the pancake. She bored through it and excited to the pile of awesometastic food, leaving a gaping hole in the pancake. She quickly absorbed the entire pile covering the group of friends. Then RoboRabbit woke up, was famished, and ate the entire pancake to fill himself.
*RoboRabbit's ears were, in fact, so sharp that they could cut cheese placed on top of them.
Much later, when they had all fallen asleep, a faint thump awoke RoboRabbit, who had sharp ears* and was a light sleeper. Another thump, slightly louder than the first, followed shortly thereafter. Soon the thumps grew loud enough to wake Teddy and Claudio McAwesome. The thumps grew louder and louder, reverberating off the walls, until they shook the whole room and hurt RoboRabbit's ears. Then he spotted Killer Kangaroo, in the dark, hopping towards them. He plowed through the wall as they dodged him and the debris, and they heard the sound of a large group pursuing him. RoboRabbit ran ahead and stopped Killer Kangaroo while Teddy and Claudio McAwesome prepared for battle. The four of them stood there and waited a few seconds, then they saw several robots approaching swiftly down the hallway. They immediately charged into the electronic adversaries and began smashing, flinging, lasering, and otherwise destroying them, which was a rather simple task except that they saw no end to the horde attacking them. For every robot they disabled, another instantly took its place, making for a very long battle which would require a strategy to be won. RoboRabbit observed that, while they were defeating robots, the robot bodies continued to exist, and thus he formulated his plan.
"Retreat!" yelled RoboRabbit.
When they reached the remains of the brick wall, they halted and formed a wall behind it. As the robots approached, each of them killed on simultaneously, leaving a line of dead robots on the ground. They continued with this tactic until there formed a wall of robots preventing the enemies from advancing. They soon nearly ran into an electric web. RoboRabbit touched it and jumped back, shocked by the results.
RoboRabbit observed that the lightning wall was being created by generators on the wall. He proceeded to fire his lasers at the generators, hoping to shut them down. He sucked no seed. He attempted to slice them, but he once again failed to suck seed. Then he heard a sound which seemed to ring a bell. Really. I mean it actually rang a bell. It was the sound of Diomedes' Pangolin Bell. He had used his robot charms to control the army which they had battled not long ago, and now he was here to help. Diomedes ordered the robots to generated an electromagnetic pulse, which shut down the entire army as well as the generators. It also put RoboRabbit into a stasis, conserving his biological energy as his system restarted. Thus they were forced to wait for him to reboot. Luckily for them, a giant pancake attack would keep them entertained for some time.
As they were gathered around RoboRabbit, an enormous blueberry pancake, with chocolate chips, approached from behind as it battled toward them.
"But I already ate breakfast!" shouted Killer Kangaroo.
Teddy attempted to nibble on it but made no noticeable difference.
"It's no use!" said Diomedes. "The only one capable of eating this largeness is RoboRabbit, and he's not conscious enough to do so."
"I'll go get help!" said Claudio McAwesome. Then, in a daring stunt, she jumped through the pancake and daringly ran down the daring hallway, daring to take her daring chances by her daring self.
"No, wait!" cried Teddy, but it was useless. She was out of hearing, and needed to stop by Wal-Mart and get some more. The pancake began launching tasty projectiles at the group, which were rather difficult to eat so quickly. Teddy began catching them and throwing the projectiles back at the pancake, which it simply absorbed back into itself. So, they all continued to eat the delicousness thrown at them.
Then Killer Kangaroo began jumping to the top of the pancake, grabbing part of it, and ripping it all the way down. Because nobody was there to eat the strips, the pancake simply absorbed them back into itself. Their stomachs soon became full and they became lethargic. They discontinued eating the flavorful projectiles and began being pelted by them, due to their inability to Dodge, and while they attempted to Ford and Chevi, they could only do those for a short period of time. They were soon buried underneath a pile of blueberries and chocolate chips and began to suffocate.
Suddenly, the wafflebear appeared from behind the pancake. She bored through it and excited to the pile of awesometastic food, leaving a gaping hole in the pancake. She quickly absorbed the entire pile covering the group of friends. Then RoboRabbit woke up, was famished, and ate the entire pancake to fill himself.
*RoboRabbit's ears were, in fact, so sharp that they could cut cheese placed on top of them.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Journey
If you picked up this story or looked it up online thinking, "Oh, this story probably has a good plot," you were most likely disappointed with what you found. But, like all stories of significant length, this story indeed has a plot, and perhaps it will now finally begin to dictate the events of the story.
"RoboRabbit," said Teddy, "you seem troubled. What goes on?"
"I feel that we need to do something," responded RoboRabbit. "Something important. This whole story we haven't really done anything important, and I feel that it's time."
"Well, then," said Teddy. "It seems that we must find the One."
"And the Two."
"And the Two."
"Not the Three."
"Not the Three."
"Find all four."
"All the more."
"Count to five."
"Save our lives."
"Level six."
"Break some bricks."
"Number seven."
"We're in heaven."
"I ate eight."
"Can't you wait?"
"Evil nine."
"That sounds fine."
"Yum, pi squared."
"Pi squared isn't a number!"
"Yes it is, it's just not rational."
"Or an integer!"
"W/e, I think pi squared deserves a spot in our list of numbers."
"You know what we need?" questioned Teddy.
"Claudio McAwesome," replied RoboRabbit.
"How do you suppose?"
"She's been searching for the One as long as I've known her. If anyone can help us, she can."
"Alrighty then," said Teddy. "As much as such a suggestion makes more sense than anything we've done thus far, I suppose it's off to find Claudio McAwesome!"
Just as he pronounced his exclamation mark a small ship descended from the clouds of Miuxwodih and landed nearby. They went to investigate, thinking that perhaps another new character had entered the story. As it turned out they were completely wrong, for after a set of small stairs extended from the ship a figure appeared which was easily recognizable as Claudio McAwesome. At this point RoboRabbit resisted the urge to utter "speak of the devil" at the sight of this pretty possum. Instead he decided to discover why she was here.
"Why are you here?" asked RoboRabbit.
"I felt something deep within me telling me to come here," she replied.
"Well good," said RoboRabbit, "for we need your help."
"With what?"
"We have decided," answered Teddy, "to find the One, and you have the most experience."
"Well, long ago the Oracle told me I would find the One, and I have been searching ever since. According to the Kukxi, the One and the Two must locate and climb the invisible stair to start their journey. This stair can be climbed only when the One and the Two are present."
"Where is this invisible stair?" questioned RoboRabbit.
"The Kukxi doesn't say, but after much long searching I found it just before finding you. It is located on the planet Liibed, at the end of a hallway filled with traps. I attempted to climb it when I found it but I fell through after two steps."
"Then it's off to Liibed!" exclaimed RoboRabbit. And so they entered the ship of Claudio McAwesome, which was better than theirs, and flew to the planet Liibed, which they found to be a pure black planet with floating buildings throughout, so that there was only one spot where they should land, next to which was a simple door to a neon green building. They landed and exited the vehicle, ready for anything, except of course shuriken-shaped hail, which was thankfully not a common occurrence on Liibed.
RoboRabbit opened the door and the three of them entered, which is certainly a very interesting thing to do at a door. They found themselves under a low roof standing at a cliff which was seemingly endless. The pit was about twenty feet across and it was bridged by a tightrope.
"I can't cross this," said RoboRabbit.
"I can," replied Teddy, skidding across the wire like it was nothing.
Claudio McAwesome then proceeded to duplicate his actions, leaving RoboRabbit alone on the edge. RoboRabbit shot his lasers at a single spot in the wall, attempting to make a hole, but to no avail. Then Claudio McAwesome pulled out her rubber band and threw one end to RoboRabbit. They both turned on their infinite coefficient of friction boots, and Claudio McAwesome began walking away. When the rubber band was on the verge of snapping, RoboRabbit turned off his infinite coefficient of friction boots and flew straight towards Claudio McAwesome, who stepped to her right just in time for RoboRabbit ro fly past her and, since she was fixed in place, swing back and forth until finally he came to rest beside her and they continued walking.
"RoboRabbit," said Teddy, "you seem troubled. What goes on?"
"I feel that we need to do something," responded RoboRabbit. "Something important. This whole story we haven't really done anything important, and I feel that it's time."
"Well, then," said Teddy. "It seems that we must find the One."
"And the Two."
"And the Two."
"Not the Three."
"Not the Three."
"Find all four."
"All the more."
"Count to five."
"Save our lives."
"Level six."
"Break some bricks."
"Number seven."
"We're in heaven."
"I ate eight."
"Can't you wait?"
"Evil nine."
"That sounds fine."
"Yum, pi squared."
"Pi squared isn't a number!"
"Yes it is, it's just not rational."
"Or an integer!"
"W/e, I think pi squared deserves a spot in our list of numbers."
"You know what we need?" questioned Teddy.
"Claudio McAwesome," replied RoboRabbit.
"How do you suppose?"
"She's been searching for the One as long as I've known her. If anyone can help us, she can."
"Alrighty then," said Teddy. "As much as such a suggestion makes more sense than anything we've done thus far, I suppose it's off to find Claudio McAwesome!"
Just as he pronounced his exclamation mark a small ship descended from the clouds of Miuxwodih and landed nearby. They went to investigate, thinking that perhaps another new character had entered the story. As it turned out they were completely wrong, for after a set of small stairs extended from the ship a figure appeared which was easily recognizable as Claudio McAwesome. At this point RoboRabbit resisted the urge to utter "speak of the devil" at the sight of this pretty possum. Instead he decided to discover why she was here.
"Why are you here?" asked RoboRabbit.
"I felt something deep within me telling me to come here," she replied.
"Well good," said RoboRabbit, "for we need your help."
"With what?"
"We have decided," answered Teddy, "to find the One, and you have the most experience."
"Well, long ago the Oracle told me I would find the One, and I have been searching ever since. According to the Kukxi, the One and the Two must locate and climb the invisible stair to start their journey. This stair can be climbed only when the One and the Two are present."
"Where is this invisible stair?" questioned RoboRabbit.
"The Kukxi doesn't say, but after much long searching I found it just before finding you. It is located on the planet Liibed, at the end of a hallway filled with traps. I attempted to climb it when I found it but I fell through after two steps."
"Then it's off to Liibed!" exclaimed RoboRabbit. And so they entered the ship of Claudio McAwesome, which was better than theirs, and flew to the planet Liibed, which they found to be a pure black planet with floating buildings throughout, so that there was only one spot where they should land, next to which was a simple door to a neon green building. They landed and exited the vehicle, ready for anything, except of course shuriken-shaped hail, which was thankfully not a common occurrence on Liibed.
RoboRabbit opened the door and the three of them entered, which is certainly a very interesting thing to do at a door. They found themselves under a low roof standing at a cliff which was seemingly endless. The pit was about twenty feet across and it was bridged by a tightrope.
"I can't cross this," said RoboRabbit.
"I can," replied Teddy, skidding across the wire like it was nothing.
Claudio McAwesome then proceeded to duplicate his actions, leaving RoboRabbit alone on the edge. RoboRabbit shot his lasers at a single spot in the wall, attempting to make a hole, but to no avail. Then Claudio McAwesome pulled out her rubber band and threw one end to RoboRabbit. They both turned on their infinite coefficient of friction boots, and Claudio McAwesome began walking away. When the rubber band was on the verge of snapping, RoboRabbit turned off his infinite coefficient of friction boots and flew straight towards Claudio McAwesome, who stepped to her right just in time for RoboRabbit ro fly past her and, since she was fixed in place, swing back and forth until finally he came to rest beside her and they continued walking.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Departure
There are some things which are rather difficult to accept, such as the fact that you did an indefinite integral incorrectly or missed a step in solving a differential equation. If you think you're correct, you are not likely to accept anything others say about how to fix it or what you did wrong in the first place. You are insistent that you are the one who's correct and everyone else is incorrect. 'Twas this type of delusion which currently clouded RoboRabbit's mind. Unfortunately, more was yet to come. The wafflebear came in front of everyone to say something.
"I must leave now," she announced, "for there is trouble on my home planet Xijjii which I must attend to."
She then proceeded to board her ship and prepared to close the door.
"We will miss you greatly," uttered Killer Kangaroo.
"Before you go," began RoboRabbit, "I must know your name."
"My name is," began the wafflebear, "I must go now."
She said this not because her name was "I must go now," but because at that moment an army of squirrels arrived from the sky and the wafflebear had no time for a battle. As she departed from the planet and the squirrels landed, RoboRabbit was left with nothing to do but fight. And so he fought. RoboRabbit battled the squirrels with unprecedented force, with such power that the second law of thermodynamics was destroyed, causing the squirrels' atoms to become unstable and disintegrating most of the squirrel army, except for one lone squirrel. It was the first squirrel to enter this story and the last one to leave it. The squirrel who had battled so fiercely with RoboRabbit only to become his ally. The squirrel capable of occupying multiple places simultaneously. The squirrel who knew RoboRabbit's one weakness, the only thing which could kill him. The squirrel who teamed up with a Turtle to defeat RoboRabbit, and whose Turtle ally left him for the Vine Master. The squirrel who was once in league with the Master of Evil. The squirrel who was stranded on a planet and also stranded RoboRabbit on that very same planet. The squirrel whom RoboRabbit had thought was with them on Standos. The squirrel whose army RoboRabbit had just disintegrated by breaking the second law of thermodynamics. The squirrel whom I have been talking about for the past long time. The squirrel whom I will soon stop describing. The squirrel whose name I will finally say in the next sentence. The squirrel who pulled out a freeze ray, turned it on, froze RoboRabbit, dragged him onto a ship, lifted off, flew to Miuxwodih, landed, took RoboRabbit out, put him in a room alone, unfroze his head, had the name Teddy, and began talking.
For those of you who have read a certain series of books or seen a certain series of movies, the term "vampire" was devised long ago in the legend of Vlad the Impaler and other similar legends. The term "sparkle vampire," as used in this story, refers to an entirely different creature defined by a silly and extraneous author. No sparkle vampires occupy this chapter, and I merely mentioned them to clarify that they are too absurd to enter this story.
"We have a problem," anounced Teddy. "My people have recently been attacked on several occasions by an evil vampire."
"And you need my help to defeat it," finished RoboRabbit weakly.
"Exactly," said Teddy.
"Then unfreeze me," said RoboRabbit.
So Teddy zapped RoboRabbit and he ended up as a small child.
"Woops," interjected Teddy. "I guess I had it set to 'real boy ending'."
He then changed the setting and zapped RoboRabbit once again.
"Alright," said RoboRabbit, stretching his limbs and enormous tail, "I'll need a knife, a block of wood, and a bag of carrots."
"Are vampires attracted to carrots?" inquired Teddy.
"No," replied RoboRabbit, "I am."
So Teddy supplied him with the supplies and his first action was to cut the wood in half and set one half on fire for warmth. He then too the knife and began carving the other half.
"Now go invite our vampire to dinner," said RoboRabbit.
While Teddy had no idea how eating dinner with a vampire would kill it, he nevertheless set out to find the vampire, expecting RoboRabbit to know exactly what he was doing. He soon encountered the vampire attacking some squirrel villagers and yelled to it, "Hey vampires, you wanna come eat dinner with me?"
"Oh, I absolutely love dinner partied!" exclaimed the vampire. "I am Xeni Wadof, and I love the taste of squirrel almost as much as a good steak."
"Well I believe my friend RoboRabbit is cooking some steak right now for dinner. He seems to know what vampires like."
And so Xeni Wadof went with Teddy back to his dining room to find a plate of salad and another plate with a steak on it, just as Teddy had expected. He sat in front of the salad and Xeni Wadof sat before the steak and immediately began eating. As Teddy ate, he noticed something peculiar about the steak. While it looked very realistic the color was not quite right. Teddy excused himself into the kitchen and found RoboRabbit there, eating the bag of carrots as well as the carrots contained in it.
"How's dinner?" he inquired, resisting the urge for a Looney Toons reference.
"It's quite good," answered Teddy, "or rather, mine is. What's up with Xeni Wadof's steak?"
"Let's go see," replied RoboRabbit.
They both proceeded to enter the dining room and found that the vampire had finished the steak and was now dead in the chair.
"Know you not how to kill a vampire?" asked RoboRabbit. "You kill it with a wooden steak! That'll be twenty-five bexxohp*."
"I must leave now," she announced, "for there is trouble on my home planet Xijjii which I must attend to."
She then proceeded to board her ship and prepared to close the door.
"We will miss you greatly," uttered Killer Kangaroo.
"Before you go," began RoboRabbit, "I must know your name."
"My name is," began the wafflebear, "I must go now."
She said this not because her name was "I must go now," but because at that moment an army of squirrels arrived from the sky and the wafflebear had no time for a battle. As she departed from the planet and the squirrels landed, RoboRabbit was left with nothing to do but fight. And so he fought. RoboRabbit battled the squirrels with unprecedented force, with such power that the second law of thermodynamics was destroyed, causing the squirrels' atoms to become unstable and disintegrating most of the squirrel army, except for one lone squirrel. It was the first squirrel to enter this story and the last one to leave it. The squirrel who had battled so fiercely with RoboRabbit only to become his ally. The squirrel capable of occupying multiple places simultaneously. The squirrel who knew RoboRabbit's one weakness, the only thing which could kill him. The squirrel who teamed up with a Turtle to defeat RoboRabbit, and whose Turtle ally left him for the Vine Master. The squirrel who was once in league with the Master of Evil. The squirrel who was stranded on a planet and also stranded RoboRabbit on that very same planet. The squirrel whom RoboRabbit had thought was with them on Standos. The squirrel whose army RoboRabbit had just disintegrated by breaking the second law of thermodynamics. The squirrel whom I have been talking about for the past long time. The squirrel whom I will soon stop describing. The squirrel whose name I will finally say in the next sentence. The squirrel who pulled out a freeze ray, turned it on, froze RoboRabbit, dragged him onto a ship, lifted off, flew to Miuxwodih, landed, took RoboRabbit out, put him in a room alone, unfroze his head, had the name Teddy, and began talking.
For those of you who have read a certain series of books or seen a certain series of movies, the term "vampire" was devised long ago in the legend of Vlad the Impaler and other similar legends. The term "sparkle vampire," as used in this story, refers to an entirely different creature defined by a silly and extraneous author. No sparkle vampires occupy this chapter, and I merely mentioned them to clarify that they are too absurd to enter this story.
"We have a problem," anounced Teddy. "My people have recently been attacked on several occasions by an evil vampire."
"And you need my help to defeat it," finished RoboRabbit weakly.
"Exactly," said Teddy.
"Then unfreeze me," said RoboRabbit.
So Teddy zapped RoboRabbit and he ended up as a small child.
"Woops," interjected Teddy. "I guess I had it set to 'real boy ending'."
He then changed the setting and zapped RoboRabbit once again.
"Alright," said RoboRabbit, stretching his limbs and enormous tail, "I'll need a knife, a block of wood, and a bag of carrots."
"Are vampires attracted to carrots?" inquired Teddy.
"No," replied RoboRabbit, "I am."
So Teddy supplied him with the supplies and his first action was to cut the wood in half and set one half on fire for warmth. He then too the knife and began carving the other half.
"Now go invite our vampire to dinner," said RoboRabbit.
While Teddy had no idea how eating dinner with a vampire would kill it, he nevertheless set out to find the vampire, expecting RoboRabbit to know exactly what he was doing. He soon encountered the vampire attacking some squirrel villagers and yelled to it, "Hey vampires, you wanna come eat dinner with me?"
"Oh, I absolutely love dinner partied!" exclaimed the vampire. "I am Xeni Wadof, and I love the taste of squirrel almost as much as a good steak."
"Well I believe my friend RoboRabbit is cooking some steak right now for dinner. He seems to know what vampires like."
And so Xeni Wadof went with Teddy back to his dining room to find a plate of salad and another plate with a steak on it, just as Teddy had expected. He sat in front of the salad and Xeni Wadof sat before the steak and immediately began eating. As Teddy ate, he noticed something peculiar about the steak. While it looked very realistic the color was not quite right. Teddy excused himself into the kitchen and found RoboRabbit there, eating the bag of carrots as well as the carrots contained in it.
"How's dinner?" he inquired, resisting the urge for a Looney Toons reference.
"It's quite good," answered Teddy, "or rather, mine is. What's up with Xeni Wadof's steak?"
"Let's go see," replied RoboRabbit.
They both proceeded to enter the dining room and found that the vampire had finished the steak and was now dead in the chair.
"Know you not how to kill a vampire?" asked RoboRabbit. "You kill it with a wooden steak! That'll be twenty-five bexxohp*."
►▼◄
*Bexxohp (singular bexxoh) are the currency of this universe
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