Before Calamity

    The universe was one unfamiliar to RoboRabbit.  The place was a fertile area, near to rivers.  The time was noon.  It had been dark not long before, but now the light was very bright.  RoboRabbit had his tinted eyes on to filter the brightness.  He had disguised himself as a cute, innocent little bunny to avoid suspicion.
    The bright light began to coalesce into a single circle.  Somehow this was starting to seem familiar.  He was thinking about where his recognized this from for a week while millions of animals began to run and hop and prance and crawl and creep and fly and swim all around him.  He didn't notice when it was, but at some point there were stars and a moon in the night sky where he hadn't seen anything before.
    Then suddenly a new thought jolted RoboRabbit out of his trance.  All of the animals he saw had their own mates, but he had none.  This would be very conspicuous, so he hurried to build a female version of himself, which he named Pivr.*  He noticed the animals lining up in front of two humans and decided to, again, blend in.  So he took out his blender and got in line.  When he got closer to the humans he realized they were naming all the animals and he eventually ended up with some name he couldn't pronounce.  He decided to stick with Rabbit, a significant portion of his own name (not selfish at all, I know).  Then he decided to give Pivr life since she was his only companion and she was merely a robot at the moment.
    RoboRabbit managed to snatch an eagle baby and a lion cub, which he fed to Pivr.  It took a very short time for her transformation to start.  In fact the time it took was so short that it could not ride this ride and immediately left the park.  Then Pivr acquired a personality.
    "Pivr," said RoboRabbit.  "Can you hear me?"
    "Pivver?" asked Pivr.  "What's a pivver?"
    "It's your name, Pivr.  I created you, and have named you Pivr."
    "Well I hardly think that's a good name.  It's too short and monosyllabic."
    "Think you that you could come up with something better?"
    "Of course!" exclaimed soon-to-not-be-Pivr.
    "Of what course?"
    "Of that obstacle course over there," she said, pointing east.
    "What have you got then?"
    "Megano."
    "Gesundheit.  What name have you?"
    "Megano.  My name is Megano."
    "Megano?"  exclaimed RoboRabbit.  "That is silly!  I think I'll continue calling you Pivr."
    "Okay, but I won't respond to it," replied Megano, as I must now call her.
    And RoboRabbit became the father of many nations.

*Keep translation out of reach of children.

Uncertainty

    "I have to leave," said Ozzy.  "Call me if you need me."  And she gave Diomedes her phone numcer and left, her spotlight following her down the indefinite hall.  Killer Kangaroo than took RoboRabbit's body and carried it as they continued forward.  Ir wasn't long before they heard a casually apathetic chuckle behind them.  Everyone turned around to see Hilarious Hyena approaching and laughing from behind.  Her laughter grew ever louder and then slowly faded.
    "Hi," she said to the group.
    "Hi," said the group to her.  And then they proceeded through the hallway.  They entered an open area and immediately smelled an extremely cute scent coming from the right.  They turned to behold Jhoqi sitting cross-legged in the grass, humming to herself.  They immediately waltzed over to her (for she was humming waltz music).
    "Where are we?" asked Teddy.
    "This," replied Jhoqi, "is the room of the invisible stair.  You can only climb the stair within the presence of the One and the Two.  It leads to out true home, but only the One and the Two together can unlock the gate."
    It was then that everyone noticed that the ceiling of the room was different from the preceeding hallway.  They saw a large piece of notebook paper which, even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook.  After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
    "What is that?" inquired Hilarious Hyena.
    "It's a spiral bound notebook," said Jhoqi.
    "But what's it for?  What's it do?"
    "Just keep watching," replied Jhoqi.  "You'll see."
    And so they kept watching, and watching, and they watched for hours and then days and then months, but for me it was only a few minutes.  They got so bored that they began carefully searching for the invisible stair, which they failed to locate.  This they took to mean that the One and the Two were not both present.  But when they told Jhoqi of their findings, she disagreed with their conclusion.
    "There are actually two things required to even touch the invisible stair.  First, the One and the Two must be present.  Second, they must want to climb the stair, which requires consciousness.  I suggest you cover all your bases before concluding that the One and the Two are not both present, for they very well might be here."
    Then everyone realized that they hadn't looked at the ceiling in a while and looked up to see it had flipped again and was filled with words.  It read:
"even as they looked, flipped over to reveal that it was not just one paper but an entire notebook.  After it flipped the ceiling paper was blank.
    'What's that?' inquired Hilarious Hyena..."
    "It's us," said Killer Kangaroo as he read on.  "It's our story."
    "I suppose the invisible stair leads up to it," said Diomedes.
    "Yup," said Jhoqi.  "But you'll need the One and the Two physically and mentally to find it."
    "We'll probably have to revive RoboRabbit then," pointed out Teddy.
    "How are we to go about doing that?" asked Hilarious Hyena.
    "Have you ever seen Snow White?" asked Jhoqi.
    "Yes," Hilarious Hyena, "and I know where you're going.  There's no way I'm doing that."
    "What?" said Jhoqi.  "I was just gonna say that I could really use one of those apples.  I'm so tired!"
    "Oh yeah," said Hilarious Hyena.  "Me too."
    And the ceiling notebook flipped again to a blank page.

Super Spotlight

    Ozzy walked along through the hallway and came upon the group, who were rubbing Teddy's tail against RoboRabbit's to create friction, to create heat, to create fire, to create light.  Ozzy simply walked up to the mirror and examined it.
    "Ozzy!" said Diomedes.  "With your spotlight which gives you spots, won't you open this mirror, look, pots!"
    Sure enough, everyone turned and saw a pile of pots which had been under a perception filter.  Then Ozzy turned every witch way and every warlock way, trying to get her light to shine on the mirror, but it was no use.  The spotlight maintained the exact shape of her body.  Then Killer Kangaroo tried ramming the mirror, remembering his Prince of Persia days, but her merely bounced off and landed with a thud on the floor.  HekeHokkus went ahead and attempted slicing it, though he knew that wouldn't work.  Then they all took a rope and used it as a rubber band to launch Diomedes at the mirror, but he simply landed among the pots with a clatter and clang in the dark inn-yard.
    It was right about then that HekeHokkus' good friend, the Doctor, showed up in his Tardis and stepped out.  He tossed a device to RoboRabbit and reentered the Tardis.  Then he disappeared in the same great light and noise which had brought him.  RoboRabbit examined the device and accidentally fired it at Ozzy, who decided at that moment to become invisible.  He then noticed a title on the device, which read, "Temporary Disappeary Thingy."  While Ozzy was invisible from the blast, her spotlight still shone in the shape of her body, giving spots to everything behind her.  She walked in front of the mirror and it lifted to reveal the next leg of their journey.
    "Well," RoboRabbit, "I think it's time for me to leave."  And he took out his paradox time machine, pressed a button, and disappeared.  Then the wafflebear, who stood at the front of the group, began walking back.  Everyone stared at her, wondering what she was doing.
    "I must also leave," she said finally.  "I cannot bear these adversities any longer.  I must find elsewhere to hang out."
    And thus left the wafflebear from their party.  "No!!!!!!!" exclaimed RoboRabbit (he will be referred thusly henceforth).  "My mission is failed!!!  And I have already embarked on it!!  Quack!!!!  Quacking cowrap squirrel!"  And he continued to explete in a similar fashion for several minutes until they heard the wafflebear's voice echo faintly back to them, saying, "And my name is..." before fading out of hearing.  And then RoboRabbit became negative and died.
    Pause.  Wait.  What?   What just happened?  RoboRabbit died?  Is that really possible?  I thought he had but one weakness that could kill him.  Let me assure you now that it was not at all cold in that hallway.  Therefore, is it even possible for RoboRabbit to die in these conditions?  Well, not really.  What you may have forgotten or not realized is that there are actually two ways for RoboRabbit to die. The first, of course, is his one weakness, with which other people can theoretically kill him.  He can also kill himself by multiplying himself by -1 and thus becoming a negative, or dead, body.  This is the method by which RoboRabbit just died.

An Empty Nut, a Hollow Carrot

    "Alright," said the wafflebear.  "Snack time is over, let's go."
    Then RoboRabbit came up from behind RoboRabbit and held him back as he attempted to rush forward.
    "Calm down, RoboRabbit," he said.  "You know you don't want to do what you are thinking of.  It would leave a permanent scar."
    Then RoboRabbit stopped, sighed, and said, "You're right."
    At this point RoboRabbit was feeling quite beside himself, and everyone was unsure why or how there were two RoboRabbits.  From now on, to avoid confusion, I will call the new RoboRabbit by his rabbit name, HekeHokkus.
    "Who are you?" asked Killer Kangaroo.
    "Why are you here?" asked Diomedes.
    "What did you stop RoboRabbit from doing?" asked the wafflebear.
    "These are all questions I cannot answer, sort of.  To avoid confusion, you can call me by my rabbit name, HekeHokkus.  I am here to fix things, and I will only discuss with RoboRabbit what I stopped him from doing."
    So they continued on their journey, and RoboRabbit walked with HekeHokkus out of earshot from the rest of the group, who attempted to shoot ears anyway.  And HekeHokkus began a story:
    "Obviously, I am yourself form the future, and I developed a way to go back in time to influence the course of history and make it right.  On this day, I took a huge bite out of that wafflebear to bring my energy level to its maximum.  That was one of my biggest regrets ever.
    "After it happened, she was barely able to walk and so the group carried her around.  This handicap caused us to lose many battles and eventually I was the only survivor.  You can imagine how terrible I felt after doing that to my best friend, and so I decided to fix it.  On top of that, I decided to fix events throughout history up until now, and I still have the time machine, a paradox which I handed to myself when all this happened.  You can have it now, and use it when the opportune moment some."
    At this point they reached the rest of the group, who had stopped due to a minor obstacle.  RoboRabbit quickly ate the paradox time machine and looked up to view an enormous, large, gigantic, huge, ginormous, space-consuming, immense, oversized, reflective mirror blocking the entire hallway.
    "Well, that's no good," said HekeHokkus in an uninterested voice.  "All I have is this humongous ray and this invisible beam!"
    "It seems to me," said Diomedes, "that it is most likely light activated."
    "I'll give it light," said RoboRabbit.  He then fired his laser at the mirror only to have it reflect and nick Killer Kangaroo's elbow.  Then it ricked Diomedes' leg and joed HekeHokkus's foot.
    "It's no use," said HekeHokkus.  "You are as an empty nut, a hollow carrot, until you right your wrong which never happened.

Shut that Down!

    After a few minutes of walking relatively quickly, the trio found themselves at a brick wall which their weapons had no effect on.  They could easily tell that the hallway continued on the other side, but none of their attacks had any effect, so they decided to set up camp for the night and hopefully think of how to get past it while resting.
    Much later, when they had all fallen asleep, a faint thump awoke RoboRabbit, who had sharp ears* and was a light sleeper.  Another thump, slightly louder than the first, followed shortly thereafter.  Soon the thumps grew loud enough to wake Teddy and Claudio McAwesome.  The thumps grew louder and louder, reverberating off the walls, until they shook the whole room and hurt RoboRabbit's ears.  Then he spotted Killer Kangaroo, in the dark, hopping towards them.  He plowed through the wall as they dodged him and the debris, and they heard the sound of a large group pursuing him.  RoboRabbit ran ahead and stopped Killer Kangaroo while Teddy and Claudio McAwesome prepared for battle.  The four of them stood there and waited a few seconds, then they saw several robots approaching swiftly down the hallway.  They immediately charged into the electronic adversaries and began smashing, flinging, lasering, and otherwise destroying them, which was a rather simple task except that they saw no end to the horde attacking them.  For every robot they disabled, another instantly took its place, making for a very long battle which would require a strategy to be won.  RoboRabbit observed that, while they were defeating robots, the robot bodies continued to exist, and thus he formulated his plan.
    "Retreat!" yelled RoboRabbit.
    When they reached the remains of the brick wall, they halted and formed a wall behind it.  As the robots approached, each of them killed on simultaneously, leaving a line of dead robots on the ground.  They continued with this tactic until there formed a wall of robots preventing the enemies from advancing.  They soon nearly ran into an electric web.  RoboRabbit touched it and jumped back, shocked by the results.
    RoboRabbit observed that the lightning wall was being created by generators on the wall.  He proceeded to fire his lasers at the generators, hoping to shut them down.  He sucked no seed.  He attempted to slice them, but he once again failed to suck seed.  Then he heard a sound which seemed to ring a bell.  Really.  I mean it actually rang a bell.  It was the sound of Diomedes' Pangolin Bell.  He had used his robot charms to control the army which they had battled not long ago, and now he was here to help.  Diomedes ordered the robots to generated an electromagnetic pulse, which shut down the entire army as well as the generators.  It also put RoboRabbit into a stasis, conserving his biological energy as his system restarted.  Thus they were forced to wait for him to reboot.  Luckily for them, a giant pancake attack would keep them entertained for some time.
    As they were gathered around RoboRabbit, an enormous blueberry pancake, with chocolate chips, approached from behind as  it battled toward them.
    "But I already ate breakfast!" shouted Killer Kangaroo.
    Teddy attempted to nibble on it but made no noticeable difference.
    "It's no use!" said Diomedes.  "The only one capable of eating this largeness is RoboRabbit, and he's not conscious enough to do so."
    "I'll go get help!" said Claudio McAwesome.  Then, in a daring stunt, she jumped through the pancake and daringly ran down the daring hallway, daring to take her daring chances by her daring self.
    "No, wait!" cried Teddy, but it was useless.  She was out of hearing, and needed to stop by Wal-Mart and get some more.  The pancake began launching tasty projectiles at the group, which were rather difficult to eat so quickly.  Teddy began catching them and throwing the projectiles back at the pancake, which it simply absorbed back into itself.  So, they all continued to eat the delicousness thrown at them.
    Then Killer Kangaroo began jumping to the top of the pancake, grabbing part of it, and ripping it all the way down.  Because nobody was there to eat the strips, the pancake simply absorbed them back into itself.  Their stomachs soon became full and they became lethargic.  They discontinued eating the flavorful projectiles and began being pelted by them, due to their inability to Dodge, and while they attempted to Ford and Chevi, they could only do those for a short period of time.  They were soon buried underneath a pile of blueberries and chocolate chips and began to suffocate.
    Suddenly, the wafflebear appeared from behind the pancake.  She bored through it and excited to the pile of awesometastic food, leaving a gaping hole in the pancake.  She quickly absorbed the entire pile covering the group of friends.  Then RoboRabbit woke up, was famished, and ate the entire pancake to fill himself.

*RoboRabbit's ears were, in fact, so sharp that they could cut cheese placed on top of them.